4 kids and all...

I heard someone say the other day "you know... she's tired...she's got...like...4 kids...and all."  yeah... that pretty much sums it up.  4 kids and all.

When did summers get so busy?  And I don't even feel like we have a schedule quite like some of my friends.  June was full of a beach trip, VBS, doctor appointments for everyone, getting ready for 4th of July activities and birthday parties.  Then July hits.  Next thing I know I'm ordering new backpacks and school supplies.  Swim lessons, Kids' Camp, and our yearly summer trip to Tennessee to visit my family.   Bam.  School starts the week after we get back.  I had "plans" to clean out closets, swap seasonal clothing in the kids' closets, do some major cleaning out with baby clothes/items and decorating our master bedroom.  Not.happening.  ugh.

I've had another psoriasis flareup and I can't use pregnancy or breastfeeding hormones to help that out anymore.  I finally met with a rheumatologist concerning my psoriatic arthritis (seeing as how my psoriasis WAS under control at the time).  I have been taking methotrexate since March and they have increased my dose twice and I'm still not seeing a huge benefit yet.  The arthritis is slightly better but I caught strep at the beach and it triggered a flareup.  So obviously the mtx didn't prevent that (which it technically probably should have).  Next step is adding Humira injectable...and I was really hoping to avoid that.  But here I am with Mati Claire telling me it looks like I have chicken pox.

I started back on my Advocare and TeamFit plans.  Its INTENSE!  I feel like I spend most of my days either taking my supplements, planning my meals so I can be prepared on the go, or actually eating one of my six meals.  You definitely don't go hungry on this plan but its definitely not for the sissies.  We've discovered MuscleEgg.  When you there are certain days you can be eating up to almost 15 egg whites a day.... you will vomit egg whites when you exercise.   so we drink them now.  tastes like chocolate milk.  again, its hard core stuff!  But I'm dedicated to losing weight and getting in shape!  I would post pictures, but I'm not ready for that yet.  I have lost technically about 15 lbs.  put on alot of muscle too (so you can't really go by the scales).  I've lost a total of 12" all over so far.  I still have a long way to go, but consistency is the key and I'm hanging in there.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my 2 beautiful girls!  Mati Claire turned 9 and Merritt turned 4.  Being 5 years apart, its really hard to do a joint party when they are so different and in different times in their life.  Merritt is still a die-hard Mickey Mouse fan and Mati Claire wants preteen activities.  They may look similar but they are total opposites.  When Mati Claire begs and pleads with me to not have to share "her day" -- its really hard to argue with her.  BUT... this mommy is pushing 40 and I can not party for 2 straight days anymore.  With the planning, the cleaning, the gifts, the traveling to wherever, the feeding, and even the fun of it... I can't hang.  Soon next year we have decided we will do a joint swim party (now that Merritt isn't terrified of the water anymore).  I will even 2 separate cakes if they want, as long as its on the same day and same time - so I only have clean up ONCE in one location.

Getting in shape to be "40 and Fit" brings me to my next note:  Matt will be turning 40 next year!  How I wish the blog had emoji's!! hahahahaha!  Me being the planner that I am... and accepting the fact that he is NOT a party kind of guy (at all)... we are going on a trip!  Alone!  Well, together, but leaving the kids with my parents!  For TWOOOO whole weeks!!!!!!!!!  oh my goodness I'm so excited!  And I have a whole year to try to contain the excitement!  Flights are booked.  Trip/hotels are booked.  Now I'm nervous.  a whole year to contemplate how I'm going to leave Mason for 2 straight weeks = we will be Facetiming ALOT!

 We loooove our "Chachel" so much.  Mitt wasn't a fan of jumping -- but only if Chachel did it with her!  And Mason can spot frosting from across a room.  He goes crazy for cake!

 a Minnie party for our skinny minnie!  We love our Mrs. Ty too!  The world is a better place because of Mrs. Ty!  It is a Minnie miracle that the cake survived the car trip for an hour.  I think it was about to fall apart by the time we got to the lake!

Heavy Hitter

Thanksgiving wasn't much of a break... and its hard to find something to be thankful for when you're cleaning up vomit and diarrhea every single day of the break.  Stomach bug hit our house hard.  Just passing it from one person to the next.  One child even got it twice (after days of being fine in between).

I went to the dermatologist for my annual checkup.  After getting slammed in the face by a harsh laser for scar tissue removal from my skin cancer (think of the hardest hitting rubber band popping you in the nose a thousand times), a marble sized cyst removed from under my arm, 4 stitches later, a black eye from the laser, and $500 less... again, finding it hard to be thankful and desperately looking for the Christmas spirit.

So then I notice my throat is hurting.  Hmm... thought it was just sinus drainage.  But then I remembered the last time I had a sore throat that caused a major psoriasis flareup 3 years ago.  (Strep is a trigger for that).  Anyway, I am THANKFUL TO HAVE A HUBBY WHO IS A DOCTOR AND CAN WRITE ME A PRESCRIPTION!  I asked Matt to err on the side of caution and call me in an antibiotic (fyi, if you catch the strep early enough it CAN prevent it from spreading and possibly decrease the severity if you're lucky).  So I started my antibiotic and felt great for 10 days.

The day after I finished it, I noticed red spots on my neck and chest.  Ugggghhhh.  By that night, it had spread to arms, legs, and torso.  I fully expected to look like my all time worst by the next morning, but to my complete surprise the spots actually looked somewhat better the next day???  Still there, but not enflamed or itching as bad.  I make my appointment with the dermatologist AGAIN expecting to start one of the new immune system depressants (Enbrel, Humira, Stelara, etc).  Within 3 days, the psoriasis had gotten worse and then almost completely gone!  All I could imagine was Clint Eastwood saying "Do ya feel lucky punk? Well, do ya?"    YES I DO!    After having my last flare-up completely clear up when I got pregnant with Merritt, I have no doubt that my breastfeeding Mason has helped again (keeping the pregnancy hormones up!) on top of the antibiotics.

My psoriatic-arthritis has reached an all-time high.  I'm 36 and can't walk more than 1/2 mile without my knees feeling like they are being stabbed with a knife.  My elbows throb in pain while I wash my hair.  Ankles, hips, and wrists hurt depending on what I'm doing.  I tend to find exercises that don't involve walking, running, or stairs.  Elliptical and Pilates seem to work for me - which I will get back to when I'm done nursing Mason.

Anyway - all that to say -- I will be starting some new treatment in the near future.  I'm a little terrified of trying this.  Mason is on a countdown to being weaned and then I have to make my decision. Being a pharmacist is sort of a curse when I know TOO much about drugs.  Ignorance is bliss people!

On top of all the physical pain lately, can I just tell you how much Merritt drives me insane??? I'm her mom so I can say that, right?  I love her to death, but ooohhhh myyyy goooodnessss.  Make.her.stop.  I really don't know where she comes from.  Certainly doesn't remind us of anyone (other than the fact that she looks like her Daddy).  She changes clothes AT LEAST 5 times a day, and normally wears multiple outfits...all at one time.  Yep, just layers them on because she's weird like that.  Usually different pieces from different outfits.  She loves her accessories to a scary degree.  I imagine her on one of those intervention reality shows where they tell her she has to sell all of her stuff one day and the high pitched screaming will be heard around the world.  Her vocabulary (and correct context) has reached a new level also.  Anyone who says she needs speech therapy needs a kick to the groin.  We need a therapist to get her to STOP talking.  Or a therapist to listen to her rants, because my ears are about to fall off.  So this week I was thinking that maybe... just maybe... we were beginning to round the corner from the terrible 2's and 3's.  She went 2 days where I would actually use the word GOOD to describe her.  Should have known that it would come back and bite me in the butt.  Yesterday, she cut her own hair.  2 good chunks missing out of the front that I'm pretty sure won't reach in a ponytail anymore.  Today, she is eating crayons.

November and December are proving to be hard hitters this year.  Is it January yet? Nope!  Its December 5th and we don't even have our tree decorated yet!

On a more positive note, we had pictures made with an amazing photographer in Tennessee back in July and I am just now getting the proofs back!  She's worth the wait though!  Here are just a FEW of my faves.

Run Spot Run

Here's an update on my skin....ha - in case anyone is actually interested.  sounds stupid now that I type it out.  it must feel like reading a dermatology book, right?  The newer picture on the right was taken a few weeks ago... so it looks even better now.  I've read that pregnancy will "treat" it during that time, but that usually after delivery, it will come back with a vengeance.  So I'm mentally preparing myself to look like the left picture again in the near future.  I wasn't able to start any of my herbs that worked 10 years ago because I found out I was pregnant, so pregnancy really does help.  My OB joked that maybe I should stay pregnant - WHAT.EVER.  Looks like I get to enjoy a 'not-too-itchy' pregnancy... thank heavens!  The new skin is stark white so now my arms and back look like the Michael Jackson syndrome (looks like vitiligo but its not).  I can deal with discoloration though.  Long story short = its gone from almost unbearable to tolerable.  Yay!  

And I don't have an update on baby - except its still hanging in there.  I go back next week.  Prayers are appreciated.   God is good!

Diet Schwiet

So out of my recent psoriasis research, I found that ALOT of people respond well to drastic diet changes. This was never even mentioned that I know of 15 years ago or I would have tried it then.  But for the last week I have been sugar free, caffeine free, carb free, gluten and wheat free, dairy and egg free, "nightshade" free, and berry free.   Yes, I cheated twice this week.  I am having the hardest problem with gluten/wheat and cheese products.  When I think of diet, I think of whole-wheat breads, yogurt, portion control, etc... this is on a whole new level baby.  All I eat is fruits (and only certain ones), vegetables, salads, fish, chicken, turkey, and water.  To me it seems close to the raw/vegan diet but adding a little meat.  Even if I buy gluten free, it still has something else in it like sugar or egg.  Ridiculous.

I've been pretty good until today.  Today I could have impersonated Chris Farley well when he screams "I'M STARVING!!"  What have I learned so far?  Food is not your reason for living.  It's there to sustain you.  Period.  It doesn't have to taste good.  And I do feel better.  I noticed I didn't take a snooze on the couch while kids were watching tv.  I have more energy.  I sleep better.   And then when I did cheat, I felt tired and sleepy, and just really guilty.   When I say energy, I woke up at 7:00am Thursday and stayed wide awake through the midnight show of Twilight.... got 4 hours of sleep and was back at Mati Claire's school by 8:30am still going strong.

What were my cheating foods? You'd think it would be chocolate or a real Coke.  No, went to Chick-Fil-A and ordered the grilled chicken breast on a WHEAT bun plain.  Then today, we had Shipley's donuts.  Yes that was worth it.

I haven't managed to bring myself to making a certain named smoothie recipe.  Can you imagine blending romaine lettuce, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, zucchini, celery, sweet potatoes or yams, squash, parsley, flax oil, onions, unsweetened apple juice, olive oil, unsweetened soy milk, pineapple, banana, pears, grapes, honey, and lemon???  Some people with psoriasis make this first thing in the morning and that's all they eat!!  I bought all the ingredients... and then chickened out.  Individually, yes... all mashed together, no!

The spots on my face and neck are looking better.  Not gone, but better.  I still look dreadful from there down.  They say I can start to add things back to the diet when you figure out what your trigger is.  I honestly don't think food is my trigger, but I will try anything that may help this go away faster.  Another good thing is that my family is eating somewhat healthier because I don't cook anymore.  ha!

And I've reached the "flaky" stage.  So if the wind blows, its me snowing, not the weather. ;)  

Guttate Psoriasis

My name is Carrie.  And I have guttate psoriasis. 

ha!  I have to attempt to crack jokes because there is nothing funny about it.  And I'm sure you've never heard of it, right? 

I'll give you my personal history related to this subject (and I'll try to make it the short version).  The day after my freshman year of college, I came home and decided to sunbathe! I wanted to relax and just enjoy the day basking in the sun! The next morning I woke up with a few small red spots on my leg.  The next day they were the size of quarters.  By the end of the week there were so many spots they all ran together and covered my entire torso and the majority of my arms and legs.  I spent the entire summer wearing long sleeves and pants.  Went as far as to think I was allergic to the sun.  I went to 2 dermatologists and no one could tell me what it was or how to treat it.  No cream worked.  The first biopsy showed "yeast" in the skin. (fyi, there's always yeast on your skin).  So we tried anti-yeast/anti-fungal medications.  Come to find out I'm deathly allergic to antifungals.  Broke out in Stevens-Johnson Syndrome which is a whole other post in itself.  I wrote my senior pharmacy paper on SJS.  Second biopsy finally showed Guttate Psoriasis.  You can Google it or click on the link.  I won't give you a term paper on it. 

So I lived with it for 4 years (it had progressed to chronic plaque psoriasis).  Looking back, it was the darkest days I've ever had.  I was severely depressed.  I thought God was punishing me for everything I deserved..and I deserved much worse than psoriasis.  Was I mad at God?  Absolutely.  I thought I wasn't worth anything because of the way I looked.  I mean really, what freshman girl in college do you know that doesn't put alot of weight on the way you look? What guy would ever look at someone covered in plaque psoriasis?  What person would want to be friends with me if they knew what I looked like underneath it all?  yes...severely depressed.  Cried every night for years.  Rock.Bottom.

God taught me a HUGE lesson through it all.  Obviously I learned a person's worth is not what you look like.  I realized I was one superficial brat (words from my own grandmother-ha!) I was putting so much pressure on myself to look right, act right, etc.  Course you couldn't tell me that while I was in the valley.  I went to pharmacy school due to my allergic reaction curiosity.  My first year I came upon a compounding pharmacist.  He said "when you don't have any other option and you're at the end of your rope...come to me."  Course, he was speaking of compounding medicine.  So I met with him, he researched psoriasis... me, him, and his herbalist came up with a plan that you wouldn't believe if I told you.  I couldn't have made up that story - it was so crazy.  Long story short = I took TONS of vitamins and herbs and it took a month for my psoriasis to go into remission. 

I've been in remission until this week.  10 years free.  It was one of those things I never took for granted.  There wasn't a day I didn't remember those days, but it was also 'out of sight out of mind.'    We went to Disney World and I caught an upper respiratory infection (for all you other psoriasis sufferers you know this is a trigger).  I started taking a few medicines and woke up with a rash.  Thought I was just allergic to something - perhaps laundry detergent?  Maybe my Starbucks latte?  ;)  

So its back.  Guess I just wanted to warn everyone that if you see me covered in long sleeves and jeans for the next few years.  At least its winter now.  I have it in my hair and on my face this time - which is different than before.  Can't cover that up.  Going to try really hard for my kids' sake not to get too down about it...  but I definitely have my moments.  Maybe you're thinking it can't be that bad, right?  No one understands until you've experienced it.  I would post pics but it grosses most people out.  The good news is I won't spend months trying creams that don't work, or weeks trying to find out what it is, or getting my hopes up.  There's 10 years worth of progress in the study of it.  I'm interested in trying the diet for inflammation (lots of fish, no dairy or red meat.)  And I'm always up for trying the new medications approved for psoriasis.  I had a bit of a meltdown this morning.  Matt told me it could be worse.. in the midst of my crying I asked him 'how?'.  He said a friend of his (another doctor) had to tell a 35 year old woman that she had stage 4 metastatic liver cancer yesterday. 

Am I mad at God this time? No.  Do I think He's punishing me? No. He gives us trials to test our faith.  I am reminded that God has His own plan - and it is NOT my plan. I have control over nothing.  I know that it CAN go away on its own.  It might take weeks or years.  But I also have to accept that it may never go away.  My heart goes out to all the sufferers of inflammatory diseases (not just skin related). 

Psalm 55.  "Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. (5)... As for me, I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.  He rescues me unharmed from the battle waged against me...(16-18)  Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken."

Jeremiah 29:11-13  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."