Omphalocele Awareness Day 2016

Sorry, I'm a little late in posting.  O Awareness Day is Jan. 31st each year.  Its amazing to see a showcase of these babies.  Even remembering the ones that have passed.  In the MOO group, we get to know each other, whether through the multitude of questions posted or being located physically near another MOO (moms of omphaloceles).

This past year, several states have had the day legally recognized by the state government as Omphalocele Awareness Day.  Definitely on our way to be nationally recognized!

Awareness?  Yes, we need to let each mom that gets the diagnosis know that it is not a reason to terminate the pregnancy.  They will have struggles.   It will be hard.  Its heartbreaking.   The baby may make it or not make it.  In the words of my own OB/GYN, "it may or may not be compatible with life."  I'd say in MOST cases, the baby will be ok.  Or at least in my experience (despite what the statistics may say).  But you have hope, you have the MOO group there for you to answer your questions that most doctors can't, and you have an increase in modern medicine and technology on your side.

We've seen articles where the CDC says cases of omphaloceles and gastrochisis are increasing.  I might agree with that.  In the 4 years that I've been a part of the world-wide MOO group, membership has gone from around 400 to thousands!  Granted, some of those are GOO's (grandmothers or grandfathers of omphaloceles), DOO's (dads of omphaloceles), etc.   Most of us do NOT agree that so called "risk factors" are true.  There are SO many of us that had none of these existing factors to cause such a defect.  Personally, I don't smoke, I'm not obese, I don't do drugs, I wasn't taking any medications, and I'm not African-American.

It was just God's will.  Why you ask?  No, I don't think God is cruel, but He does allow trials and tribulations to test your faith.  John 16:33 says you have trouble in this world, but you will also find peace in Him.  I will go as far as to say, your family won't understand.  At times, your spouse/partner won't understand.  Your friends won't truly understand.  Who will you turn to?  God was my rock.

Merritt is a happy, healthy 3 1/2 year old who eats everything in sight.  Just the other night she put down 3 oysters, 2 shrimp, a salad, chicken, onions, mushrooms, grits, pasta, and milk.... at one meal! Yes, I wish my other kids would eat like she does!  I have no idea where she puts it, but food has never been her struggle since she was 2 weeks old.  She's odd for an O baby like that, but I know several other similar to her.  My point is that every O baby is different!  Some may have trouble with their lungs, their hearts, their stomachs, or have other genetic abnormalities.  In Merritt case, she has a VSD (hole) in her heart.  But it does NOT hold her back at all.

Merritt, we love you and thank God for you!  God is using you in great ways!  "Your people" love you!

Saw this on a new t-shirt the other day:  "Who needs bellybuttons anyway?  They just collect lent." :)

Hearts Hurting

So many people we know or know-of are battling terminal conditions.  A 31 year old mother of one is battling a rare type of untreatable liver cancer.  A 5 year old little boy passed away yesterday from cancer.  A sweet lady in my Bible study who has 2 teenage daughters passed away over the weekend from cancer.  Several O babies passing in the last few weeks.  My heart is so heavy and it hurts for these families.

When I'm so angry at Merritt for being a typical 3 year old, I need to remind myself that she is HERE.  Yes, she is slow to potty train.  Could be her stubborn strong willed self or it could be O related.  who knows.  She tells me her tummy hurts almost every day lately.  I don't know what to do or even say when she's still eating and going to the bathroom as usual.  There's nothing I can do for a tummy ache if she's doesn't have a stomach bug.

I haven't really lost anyone that I've been super close to.  I haven't lost a parent or child (thank you Lord!) - so I can't relate to the pain they must be feeling.  I have journeyed to the dark side for a bit.  Don't care to ever go there again.  But through it I truly understood the Abraham and Isaac story.  Sacrificing your child for God.  I (finally) had reached a point that I was ACCEPTING (wasn't happy about it but definitely accepting) of the fact that Merritt might go HOME sooner rather than later.  That peace people tell you about…. it comes one day.  Knowing you will see them again and knowing they are in a far better place and not in pain anymore.  'Death, where is your sting?'  I finally "got it."  I finally understood what that REALLY meant.  I am glad she's still here with us, and lately I have to hug her a little harder and more often.  I started watching her again after she falls asleep… just thinking how precious she is.

I went to college with this mom.  I'm not friends with her now, but I applaud her for her strength and ability to put this out there.  I can only hope I would have these words when I am in a similar situation.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/campbelldale/journal/view/id/55fba9e3ab28b9a33022bdcf

So after you've dried your tears from reading that… I will rejoice in the happiness surrounding us lately.   Several new babies being born.  Family weddings.  Planning vacations.  Rejoicing in our faith in God and knowing what a mighty Healer He is!  Seeing several people with stage IV cancer now proving to be cancer-free.

and maybe (just maybe) because he's the baby - but this one ALWAYS put a smile on my face and we are celebrating 6 months of having this one leveling out the playing field for us.  I love my sweets!  I love love love 6 months of age!  It is my favorite age so far of parenting!  He ends our baby streak with a high level of cuteness and happiness!

in a milk coma

i will never tire of this face

School Showdowns

I am going to try to blog more!  Not sure if it will actually happen or not, seeing as I practically live in my car now that school has started.  For 2 reasons:

1)  I printed my blog "book" for the past 3 years (this is my second book to print) and my family has had such a fun time looking back at all the pictures and reading some posts.  Its like a family scrapbook in digital form!

2)  I get emails from newly-diagnosed O moms.  So I know they find my blog from their research and I want them to know I'm still here for them.  Most of my posts now won't have anything to do with omphaloceles but I do try to update the tab labeled "Merritt's Story" every few months so its current with her age.

Onto my real post for today:
SCHOOL IS IN!  CLASS IS IN SESSION! 

1) Mati Claire is in 3rd grade this year at Northside.  This is her first year to have more than one teacher.  She was hesitant to get a male teacher but after meeting Mr. Day, she is thrilled and loves him!  Mrs. Renacker is also awesome!  So far each year seems to be a "step up" in the amount of work, homework, level of difficulty… i guess as it should be.  Let me have a mommy brag moment.  Mati Claire makes my job as a parent so easy when it comes to school.  I LOVE this about her.  She says I don't verbally acknowledge this as I do the others, so I am going to try harder to let her know how proud she makes me.  She sets her own alarm clock (and actually gets up on her own), she gets dressed by herself, usually fixes her own breakfast, and doesn't give me any trouble when it comes to homework.  She loves to read and she is my overachiever.  She is the BEST big sister.  As much as she didn't want "mommy to be pregnant again"  she absolutely adores Mason now.  She entertains him while I cook dinner and knows how to make him laugh!  Again, she makes my job as a mom easy and I am so grateful for it!

She is still taking ballet but says she wants to quit after this year.  We will see.  She is NOT athletic in any way, but she wants to try horseback riding (thanks to my sister who snuck that idea in) and possibly tennis?  She loves swim lessons but she doesn't want to join the swim team… just loves taking lessons and perfecting the techniques at her own speed.

2) Mattox-man!  He started Kindergarten at Clinton Park!   He is not enjoying having to wake up early and his first words on the second day were "we have to go AGAIN?"  He gets social anxiety and said he got really nervous in the cafeteria.  Hopefully he'll get used to that soon.

3) Merritt.  wow.  how in the world did she start 3 year old Kindergarten at preschool this year?  She will go Mon-Fri for 3 hours each day (play days are optional and I can leave her longer if she wants).  She is what I call my high-maintenance child.  We couldn't leave the house until her bow, her shoes, and her clothes all matched…and she informed me that I forgot to paint her toenails…oh, the tragedy!  she is all drama and all girl.  She got a good friend of mine, Mrs. Jessica, as her teacher so we're all happy about that!

We are working HARD on potty training.  I had signed her up for ballet this year, but I'm not sure how this is going to workout in that regard.  We may be pulling her out of ballet later.

4) Mason.  Mason Paul!  Mason P!!!  sweet sweetness rolled into 15 pounds of baby fat that I could eat with a spoon.  i want to love on him and hold him and tickle him til the sun comes up.  if he isn't asleep, he is smiling usually.  very happy baby who gets plenty of entertainment from the older kids. he rarely fusses.  someone asked me "How do you get one of those?"  my response was "perhaps you have to have 4?"  because he is the first to be this calm, happy, and content ALL the time!  He is sleeping at least 8 hours at night now (usually from 9-5 or 8-4)  but I don't mind when he wakes up because he usually goes right back to sleep.  He is going to grow up thinking his name is Sweetness.  He is the cherry on top… my sugar in my tea…he is my cake that I get to eat too...yeah, you get the idea!  Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about him.  When I have days that I question why on earth we had 4 kids……. I just look at #4 and wonder how on earth we couldn't?!?!

Don't you love the way he sleeps?  #holdemup 

Omphalocele Awareness Day 2015

Happy O Day 2015!  The support group is petitioning to get January 31st recognized nationally as the official awareness day.  [Before I was a member] they adopted the cow print, cows, and black/white theme because the group is called "Mothers/Moms of Omphaloceles"  = MOO's.  hence, the cow.   New members will ask what's up with the cows when they join.  Last year, the group had close to 1,000 members (including a few relatives, fathers, grandmothers, etc) and this year it has risen to almost 1,500 members.   We wear black/white or cow print clothes to bring awareness to ALL the people that have never heard of this birth defect.  We support you but I/most of us are also "pro-O" in that obviously none of us chose to have an abortion.  We want you to give them a chance at overcoming their obstacles.  No its not fair.  Yes its the hardest thing any of us has ever done.  Its heartbreaking.  Its soul-wrenching.  Its faith-testing.  But its also a miracle.  And we are stronger mothers and individuals because of the journey no matter how it turns out.

Here is this year's Awareness Video on YouTube.  The second link is the music.  The video alone has no music so you must play both links at the same time (something about copyright issues).  You should be able to access the music link through this one.  Merritt's page is around the 9:30 mark I think (close to a 40 min video total).

Merritt is 2 1/2 years old and doing wonderful!  She weighs about 24 pounds now.  Not really sure how tall she is but I'd say average.  Her height has never been severely affected.  She takes a daily dose of OTC Miralax for chronic constipation and Rx Prevacid for reflux.   Her VSD (a hole in her heart) has never caused any major issues and last we checked (over 6 months ago) it was so small the cardiologist could barely see it.   She sleeps on her belly all night long.

She is petite for her age.  Nothing holds her back.  Small girl with a BIG personality.  Where there is a will there is a way!  She has always eaten well and better than my other 2 "normal" kids.  I won't lie - we live in the deep South - and I let her eat pretty much whatever she wants.  Mainly because I know she still likes her veggies and healthy foods, but I don't think twice about giving her fattening foods.  I still give her whole milk for the fat and calorie content (pediatrician agreed).   She is like her mommy in the way she loves southern-homestyle cooking.  She loves her casseroles, mashed potatoes, chicken of any kind, green beans, etc.

Here's to another great year for our miracle Merritt.  There were SO many O babies born this past year that we know about thanks to social media that has brought about awareness.  Even 3 years ago when I was pregnant, there was not much information out there.  I came across a few blogs and then found the Facebook group that only had about ~400 members at the time.  One day, I will get to meet the other wonderful O mommies I call friends now.  I thank them from the bottom of my heart for sharing their stories and answering my questions when we were going through the valley.  To Danielle, Kelly, Brooke, and a few others:  xOxO!

I Came Across an Atheist

I think I've mentioned that I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.  I think it is awful overall but I do think some good can come of it.  After all, I have made several new friends that are also O moms and love them dearly.  Being as Merritt is 2 years old, I find myself "out of the loop" most of the time in the O support group on FB.  Since we are not actively going through our journey/struggles, I can not relate to most of the women anymore.  I honestly couldn't relate to most of them even when I was pregnant because everyone's situation varies.  I feel like I'm standing there just as an image of hope.  Something for those new moms to hold onto… and perhaps look at what they can have if they choose not to terminate the pregnancy.  When they ask how we survived, I tell them my story.  Easy.

However, today happened. And it struck a nerve as it did with most of the members.  And I am without doubt that my blog post will make it back to the group with many comments.  But being as this is MY blog, I am open to freedom of speech… and my beliefs.  I don't believe God put me in this position to sit back and say nothing.  I think God wants me to use our journey to show His power and His grace.

Abortion is a hot topic in any person's life, but a frequent conversation in the group - since we are ALL confronted with the option at some point in our pregnancies of O babies.  Personally, yes, the thought crossed my mind but it did not linger very long.  I was not offended by the option of choice and was not offended that I considered the doctor to be doing his job.  I simply said "no" and moved on.

Today, a new member voiced her concern that (as an atheist) IF she were to choose termination, would she receive support from the group? And also, IF we were to give her support… would we mind showing respect for her as an atheist and not use words such as pray, God, or heaven?

I assure you…. whatever you are thinking…. I thought it myself.  I fought for hours refraining from commenting or responding while reading the dozens of others who did.  I got in my car and prayed to MY God, "how do I respond to that?  because I don't feel I should sit by and say nothing."  I emailed my preacher because it bothered me to the point of my blood pressure rising.  I honestly have never given much thought to atheism.  I got in my car to pick up the kids from school… radio on KLOVE station… I only caught the end of the song that was playing and I heard the lyrics "cry out His name!"  My support will be the same no matter who you are.  I will pray to my God and love you as He loved me no matter what you are.  I can not keep track of who is Christian, Jewish, Catholic, atheist, etc in a group of hundreds.

So I decided that no matter the backlash… I would do what I believe and cry out His name.  I'm not gifted with the talent of eloquent wording…. I just say what I feel… usually pretty blunt.  My main issue suddenly wasn't religion or even abortion… but Facebook.  Its stupid… and I'll get to my point in just a sec…

Being as what they call "on the other side" now of omphaloceles, I say there WAS a time I felt I had NO support.  There were days that my husband couldn't stop my crying.  There were days that my family couldn't help.  There were days that my friends' questions just irritated me further.  There were days that the doctors and staff did nothing to console me.  There were days that I couldn't find anyone within the support group that had gone through my exact situation although close.  I certainly couldn't depend on myself because I felt totally defeated, depressed, angered, and completely utterly alone.

Who did I look to?  You bet your life I turned to God.  And that is my answer when you ask me for my support and how I got through this situation.

According to her, atheists "believe" that miracles are a combination of medical staff and chance.

Chance.

Circumstance.

Oh how I beg to differ.   I honestly do. not. understand. how someone can give birth to a baby and not believe in God or in miracles.   Seeing as I struggle with proof myself, there are some things that have happened in my life (not even omphalocele or baby related) that ALL the science in the world can not explain.  And multiple times though out my life.  So if they say its chance… then I must be the luckiest girl in the world, right?  Ha!

I will take my chances with MY GOD and my Savior, Jesus Christ. And if by the "chance" that I'm wrong, then what god will tell me that in the afterlife, according to an atheist?

So back to Facebook.  My issue with that is that it is simply Facebook.  Which is open to freedom of speech.  They also have these lovely features called "Delete" and "Hide" or you can simply find the will to ignore someone!  Can you imagine using that???  

My preacher responded with a very good link that I found useful today!  If you know anyone who is struggling with pregnancy of ANY birth defect (this is not O related) or genetic abnormality, please read and share this!
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/was-richard-dawkins-right

I 100% agree that terminating a pregnancy to "put it out of its misery" --- you are really saying to put YOU out of your misery.   And you aren't willing to go through the struggle to reap the rewards.  Are you stating that these rewards weren't what you were looking for?  These rewards were not what you had in mind?  These rewards aren't good enough???  Tell yourself that all you want… and then look your child in the eye and tell them that.  One of my dear friends and neighbors I met while in the NICU, carried a Trisomy 18 baby to term.  She lived about 4 months and I know that the mom does not regret a single second of it.  Yes its sad and its heartbreaking to the point of unfathomable pain.  I can not even imagine it myself. Her rewards are so different than the ones we have experienced.  Everyone is different...

But give the baby a CHANCE to prove you wrong.

O Surgery Take 2

Dr. Berch technically classified this surgery as a Ventral Hernia Repair - but to me, it was her second omphalocele surgery.  Because her O was fully repaired at 4 days old, and the muscles more or less "broke" it really is a hernia and not the O though.  He said it was a complicated hernia.

Surgery went great!  He did NOT have to use a biological mesh/patch to help reinforce her ab muscles this time like he fully expected.  Everything went back in and together better than he hoped.  

The recovery was rough.  The pain was so bad. She would hold her breath… therefore de-satting and setting off the alarm that was attached to her.  Pain control was her biggest issue.   

Her "outpatient" surgery became a 2 night/3 day stay in the hospital at Batson.  uggg…  I won't even go into detail about how uncomfortable that hospital room is.  Like I'm sure all are.  Someone needs to tell Eli Manning to donate BEDS/COTS next time instead of money!  ;)  But after planning to go home the same day, she vomited twice --- and we couldn't quite figure out why.  Could have been her stomach pressure from surgery, could have been the antibiotics, she could have gagged on the gunk you cough up after anesthesia, or she could have had the stomach bug that we ALL had earlier in the week.  So if you are vomiting = you will not be leaving the hospital!   She also had a slight reaction to the morphine and her face turned really red for a day… and looked swollen… not sure we will ever give her morphine again (just like her mommy!)

She refused to drink anything for the first 24 hours.  Which kept us another night!  Matt got us Smoothies one day for lunch, and she finally drank that!  Around noon that day I'd say she finally woke up and hasn't looked back!  I think she ate 3 chicken nuggets that day.  :)

1 week later, she is walking across the entire kitchen.  More than she's ever walked in her life!  She's still not sleeping great, but she is also used to sleeping on her belly.  N.O.T.H.I.N.G. holds this girl back or down for long.  Alot of people have asked about her belly surgery at birth… I am posting a few old pics for reference here.  But HOPEFULLY she has her "forever belly" now unless she decides she wants a belly button later.  We chose not to give her a belly button for now.  You can live without one of those.  

Our dear friend Amy had a baby the same day as Merritt's surgery.  Mati Claire asked "Does the baby have a belly button or no belly button?"       sweet girl.  bellybuttons are optional around here.  :)

at birth July 2012

After first surgery at 4 days old.  Really bruised but flat.

The very beginning of the hernia - around 1 month old. 

6 months old 

12 months old

Here is a picture of her surgeon Dr. Berch before surgery; and then immediately after in recovery.

18 months old; after the second latest surgery January 2014. 

A BIG HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who prayed for her, sent messages, who came to visit, who sent goodies, balloons, gifts, and food!  Thank you to my family who helped me out with Mati Claire and Mattox during our 3 days in the hospital.  We appreciate you all and love you very much!  xoxo

Getting Old-er and Wise-er

I'm turning 35 next month.  I thought 33 was hard.  Physically, I definitely feel old.  I have never had it diagnosed - but I know I have psoriatic arthritis.  I don't take medication for it, but my joints hurt pretty much constantly.  I can't sneak up on my kids (...i.e. Tooth Fairy) because my knees crack and get loud when I walk.  My elbows start to throb when I wash/scrub my hair in the shower.  I use to be able to run 6 miles a day, and now I can barely do 0.5 mi before my knee feels like a knife is stabbing it.  

I'm not complaining (ok maybe a little), but instead of working out as much as I would like to, I started Advocare.  I use a gym that has a childcare facility - but when you have a Merritt, you can't really use that as much as you would like (I'm not risking exposing her to viruses and germs before her surgery this month).  At least it will help me on the days that I can't work out.  or to the extent I would like to.  I'm down 10 pounds in a month!  My goal was to lose 20, so I have 10 more to go!  and I actually didn't like the Spark drink at first, but my word.... I can't live without it now!  I have dropped the cokes and carbonated beverages thanks to that!  

As I'm getting older, I feel like my eating has taken control.  I think subconsciously its because I can control what goes in my mouth (or I'd like to think I can) on the days that I feel like i have no control over anything.  Most days my kids are driving me insane, so it makes me feel better to eat.  I finally understand what "comfort food" is all about.  I've always been the type to eat whatever whenever I wanted... but around age 30, the metabolism and age caught up with me finally. 

We've been cleaning out the attic and upstairs, and switching some bedrooms around... I came across my wedding dress.  We're close to 10 years now.  I opened the bag to see how bad it had yellowed or aged in the attic (no I never had it professionally boxed up and treated).  To my surprise it only had 1 spot on the inside slip at the bottom.  Still perfectly white and fluffy and beautiful.  Still a size 6.   My new goal is to at least be able to put it back on (maybe not comfortably).    Not sure if that will ever happen, but I can try.  

Yep... getting old.  I've never dyed my hair - but I started getting it "glossed".  It's a washable gloss that covers gray (for just a few), but I have to get it redone every 6 weeks.  Most everyone says, "your hair looks darker."  well, yeah, when you're going gray - I have to go darker!  ;)  and I totally blame Merritt for every single one of those grays.  ;)  

On the other hand, I have to focus on what IS right in my world.  Most of the time all I see is the negative.  The weight struggle.  The kids doing everything wrong instead of right.  We're planning our 10 year anniversary trip soon.  How did I get so lucky?  10 years!  I'm not trying to step on toes here, but my friends are getting divorced left and right.  I don't understand that at all.  More and more people are dying or losing loved ones.   Getting old is down right depressing.  I was saying prayers with Mati Claire a few nights ago.  She was making a mental list (yes, she is my girl because she's a list maker); but she was listing her favorite people and being thankful for them.  I had to correct the "order" of her list and tell her to move Jesus and God to the first place.  I explained that if we didn't love Jesus first, then nothing else would matter.   My world is right when I have Jesus first... its still hard, but I get through it a whole lot easier.

What else is right?  This stinker right here:

Got her purse on her shoulder...watching sibs play outside ... waiting on them to pick her up

Gobbling up Thanksgiving dinner! 

Having just discovered the Christmas tree - caught her pulling the cord and ornaments!

When God was passing out personalities, he pulled the biggest one out for her! I had to laugh today because I was remembering ALL the ultrasounds we had with Mitt... the MRI technician said she had NEVER seen a baby that active in utero during an MRI... and she said the baby should receive an award... hence "the Merritt Award" was conceived.  And the girl just doesn't stop.  She is into EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE!  Not being able to walk does NOT stop her!

For all the O moms out there that are questioning whether its "right" to bring a child into this world with "issues" ... please don't terminate your pregnancy.  Just look at those above pictures and see that you would never even know something was "wrong" with her.  I know of several O mommies that are not a part of the Facebook group.  There is 1 mother pregnant with an O baby right now and is contemplating abortion.  Most people commented and messaged her not to.  Some went with the pro-choice answer.  Some admitted they had actually had an abortion already and gave their stories.  The original post really bothered "the older and wiser ones".  Its a topic we all have thought of at one point, but it rarely gets discussed on that site.  Now that I am OLDER, I look back and wish I had known then what I know now! 

Merritt Update #1,000

We set Merritt's second surgery for December 30th.  I think I am in some sort of denial to a degree - in my mind, I keep waiting for the hospital to call and reschedule for some reason, or more likely - I am just completely blocking the thought of another surgery out.  

To catch you up (and I have had tons of people asking my why and what).  She had surgery at 4 days old to put her liver and other organs back in.  It went well and they managed to get full muscle closure along with skin closure.  About a month after she came home from the hospital (about 2 months old), we noticed a slight bulge in her belly when she cried.  Over the last year it has definitely become larger - and its basically a large hernia.  Her ab muscles could not hold everything in when they weren't used to having anything behind it.  The surgeon said now vs. next summer would not make a difference.  Dr. B will open her abdomen back up and put her liver in again (appears that is what is bulging out).  He will most likely use a piece of "pig dermis" which is actually a piece of pig intestine lining to help reinforce the abs.  Since this is a biologic mesh, he said there is no need for us to get it removed later (where if we used a piece of synthetic mesh, it would need to be taken back out later).  I basically understood it to mean that it will sort of 'dissolve' or 'become part of her'.   He may not even necessarily need to use it, but said he probably would just so we wouldn't be back in surgery again in a few years.  If for some crazy reason, he can't get her abs to pull together again (the hernia has become larger), he might have to remove part of her liver.  But he didn't think that would happen, and the liver does regenerate itself for those of you not of scientific mind! lol!  :)

The surgeon said he expects her to be in the hospital about 2 days, and said she should be back to normal after a week or two.  

Could yall say a prayer for her?  And for me.  I cry already at the thought of putting her through another surgery.  I know she needs this.  I knew it was coming regardless of when.  
She is beginning to take a few steps and making major progress in physical strength.  When she was in the NICU, the nurses compared her surgery to a C-section but probably worse.  So I'm expecting the walking to take a back seat after this.  

Our pediatrician has also recommended speech therapy now.  I can't remember if I posted about this... you just hate to see your baby delayed -- no matter what the case.  

She's still not 20 pounds yet.  I'm afraid surgery will delay that as well.  I might get to turn her car seat around when she's 10.  ;)  

This post sounds very depressing, right?  But today, I'm actually happy!  I was thinking about the blog in church this morning - and how you probably haven't heard me mention my faith in Jesus lately.  This had nothing to do with our sermon or lesson today, but I was reminded that you only hear people mention God when something is wrong.  I am so not like that - but my blog might appear that way.  So I'm changing that in this post!  Everything is great in the big picture - and I have God to thank for it!  Not just because Thanksgiving is upon us... but I just wanted to publicly thank God and my Savior, Jesus for all the blessings and all the things He has given us.  I was reminded today that despite Merritt's issues, she is STILL a miracle.  She may be behind in a few things - but that won't keep her down.  I thank God for giving her the spunk in her personality, and the spark in my faith (that I wasn't aware it needed at the time).  

Our Sunday School teacher said something today that sort of hit home.  I can't remember exactly word for word - but it was about how God will show you exactly what you struggle with.  Doubt was our topic of discussion.  Our teacher struggled with doubt in public speaking... and 10 years+ later, here he is speaking in front of 30+ people every Sunday morning.   For me, I have ALWAYS struggled with doubt in proof.  Proof of God...Proof of Jesus' life.  Don't get me wrong, I knew I was saved... but I'm saying I struggled with doubt.   I have a scientific mind (I love math and science) and I like definite answers and definite proof.  I enjoyed English - but I always hated how one story could mean one thing to one person and the total opposite to the next person.  But I always DOUBTED the lack of proof (and I'm talking about the scientific proof) over Jesus.  Trust me, I've watched every History Channel documentary... Discovery Channel... read the books.  So 20 years later... what did God give me?  He showed me a baby that in all scientific theory and knowledge should NOT be here today.  He put my "facts" to the test.  You can not PROVE anything other than God's amazing work.  I've always heard the saying "Science only takes you so far, and then comes God."  But I had to see it with my own eyes.     And God knew I wanted to SEE proof of His existence.  

All that to say---- I am thankful today.  Nervous about the upcoming surgery, but I know God has us in His hands.  

 I am also very thankful for Mati Claire.  She is hitting a new phase lately where she is beginning to question alot of adult behavior (if it was even possible for her to question more) and is beginning to hit the "pre-teen" stage.  I have found myself having many "adult" conversations than I ever expected to have with a 6 year old.  The "friend" drama and the "boy" drama has started.  I guess you could say I've seen her take a jump in the "growing up" in the past few weeks.  I see her TRYING SO HARD to be perfect for everyone.  Bless her.  It will catch up with her later, but I love how she tries to please everyone.  She is such a joy to have as a daughter despite her drama, and I feel like I'm too hard on her most of the time.  She got to see her best friend, Claire, that moved away last year.  And oh my - these are the 2 sweetest little girls you have ever seen.  I loved getting to catch up with Amy and I miss that family so much!  Kellan made a surprise appearance too - which made MC's day even better! Those 3 kids are adorable and such sweet friends!  

(Yes, I am thankful for Mattox too - but today I'm just thankful he's alive.  He hasn't killed himself or anyone else in his endeavors today.)  ;)