Cancer? But I'm a Capricorn!

I have been putting off visiting a dermatologist for quite some time.  After all, I have a rare form of psoriasis that rears its ugly head about once every 10 years where I am required to see a dermatologist for obvious reasons.  But for general overall health, I have been putting it off.

About 1-2 years ago, I got what I thought was a normal blackhead in the crease of my nose.  I don't typically have acne of any kind but do get an occasional breakout or pimple.  Didn't think much of it.  A few days/weeks later, I thought that it was just a really stubborn zit.  Then a "top" formed over it and I assumed it was something like scar tissue because I had messed with it so much.  When I washed my face, exfoliated, dried my face with a towel, wiped sweat -- it would bleed and scab over.  Granted, it was very small and I kept telling myself it would go away one day.  Add Merritt into this equation - and well, now its almost 2 years later!  A tiny bump on my face certainly did not take priority in my last year and a half!  :)

My psoriasis cleared up when I got pregnant with Merritt.  I haven't been back to the dermatologist since (and I have yet to find a regular dermatologist in Jackson).  I have tried several different ones over the past 10 years and they all have their own rules!  Some don't see new patients, some don't take insurance, some do - but you can only get an appointment 6-12 months away, some are only open a few hours a week, etc... 

I finally decided that I had enough reasons to make an appointment!  Which were:

1)  I still have psoriasis in my hair and have to wash my hair up to 4 times a day to get the itch and flakiness gone.  twice with otc psoriasis shampoo, but that makes my hair dry, so then i have to wash with my regular shampoo and conditioner.  AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!  I've got 3 kids, and I barely have time to wash my hair once!  I wanted to try a prescription shampoo and see if that helped.

2)  I have this tiny bump beside my nose that won't go away.

3)  My dad had skin cancer, so can you do a full body check for anything suspicious?

4)  I have a few pregnancy "changes" that include skin tags, cysts, moles, etc.  Can we laser these skin things off so I don't feel so old?


I decided that was enough reasons to pay out-of-pocket fees because MOST insurances do NOT pay for dermatology visits or procedures. Grrr... plus I have a husband who loves me no matter what kind of "growths" I may or may not have.  Bless him.  He thinks I should never have any cosmetic work done if you know what I mean.  I've never had anything done surgically, but he considered moles and such to be elective/optional as well...   again, bless his heart.  He has no idea what its like to be a female and still want him to see you the way you looked the day you were married.  

I'm not totally vain either.  Just like to look my best when I can.  Obviously most days I am in my pajamas or workout clothes and not a drop of makeup on... and haven't had a shower in 2 days because I'm too busy taking care of kids!

I got the path lab results this morning - the spot beside my nose is basal cell carcinoma = skin CANCER!  Luckily, its the one you want if you have to have something wrong.  Very slow growing.  Because its on the face though, she wanted to transfer me to a Mohs clinic (specialty clinic) for skin cancers of the face and neck.  Which I already knew all about because of my Dad!  My Dad had to go to Memphis for his and his was pretty severe.... IN THE EXACT SAME PLACE AS MINE!  My sister ALSO has a suspicious bump in the same place.  Freaky!  

• But I'm only 34 years old!?!? Which means it appeared around 30-32 years old!  So I ask everyone out there to stop putting it off - no matter how old you are!  
• But I wear sunscreen!?!?!?  Yes, I wear sunscreen too.  Even more so since I turned 25.  I've always worked in-doors but I would wear it when I was "suppose" to.   
• But I take care of my skin!?!?!  Yes, I am somewhat obsessive about clean skin.  I have washed my face a minimum of once a day my entire life and usually twice a day.  I used Oil of Olay products from the time I hit 18 to recently when I discovered Rodan & Fields.  Can I show my support of R&F products here?  LOVE it.    Anyway, my point - it doesn't matter! 

So I'm a little shocked, but not upset.  Its just a new experience.  Of course I made the mistake by putting it on Facebook.  They act like I'm dying.  Or I'll need chemo/radiation.  NOTHING LIKE THAT.  its a bump, people.  They will "dig" until they reach healthy cells.  I'm praying for no scarring and only 1 "dig" appointment.  I have a consult in a few days first though.  I am not worried - just a little disappointed.  Overall, I am glad we caught it when we did!   I have to admit that if it was anywhere else on my body - I would STILL be putting it off.  Which is sad.  The fact that it was on my face is really the only reason I went in (and my hair) (and some skin tags).    So a little vanity - can be a good thing!  It could save your life! 

Excuse the complete and total AWFULNESS of my appearance here - see I'm not totally vain!  (no makeup or shower).  Both of these were taken AFTER the biopsy.   

Just to show you I DO wear makeup.  If you look hard you can see it through the makeup as well.  I couldn't zoom in on this pic for the blog though.  

 Go see your dermatologist!  The end.

Here's a few funny pics I have taken with my phone over the last few days - they always put a smile on my face!

"1st day of 1st grade" ice cream with friends!

Like Father Like Son!

He gets really bored in the car rider line... 

... and very fussy if I don't let him out of his car seat while we wait!  

Secret spy glasses after learning about Joshua and Caleb in Sunday School!

Check out that bedhead! No, we normally don't give her baths in my sink but it was sort of an emergency.  :)

O Hindsight

I can't help but be constantly reminded of our omphalocele journey.  I am in constant hindsight.  People are probably tired of hearing me talk about it.  I've had ALOT of people nonchalantly say "glad yall got through that"  or  "glad that's over" or "she's fine now."  I know what they mean.  But I usually don't respond to those comments because its anything but that!  I don't think we're totally "over it".  And I'm not necessarily talking about her having another surgery in the near future.  It has totally changed ME (I can't really speak for Merritt since she doesn't know any different).   I don't know - maybe I'm just emotional because my other kids are at school now and its just me and Mitt.  

I mentioned this in my last post but she just continues to blow me away!  She MIGHT be my best eater which is just unbelievable.  She will try almost anything on my plate (but don't put it on her highchair) if she is sitting in my lap.  Bananas, rice, Nutrigrain, ham sandwiches, goldfish, cheerios, chicken casseroles, cinnamon rolls, french fries, chicken nuggets, rolls/bread of any kind, beans, she even ate some of my hibachi zucchini tonight!  Relax - I still make her eat her veggies and fruit in baby food too.  The fact that she tolerates everything is very close to a miracle (if you knew of the vast majority of O babies).   Yes, I don't even take chicken nuggets for granted anymore. 

I came across one blog a very long time ago, and I emailed the mom privately with a question.  She responded "I only did the blog during that time and haven't updated it in over 2 years because we don't even think about it anymore.... it's like it never was."  I think that's awesome that they moved past it.  But I think about ALL of it  --- the good and the bad -- daily if not hourly.   Guess you could say the journey has scarred me (and definitely scarred Merritt - literally) but it has re-shaped who we are as a family.  

The O group lost a 4 month old O baby yesterday.  It saddens me to hear that.  For them, it will never be over.  I can't imagine the heartache.  

Many days I feel like I don't deserve Merritt (meaning I have no idea why God saw me somewhat fit to take care of this sweet angel).  She constantly puts things in perspective for me.  I'm complaining about the school car rider line and then I look at her and think about what she has to deal with on a daily basis.  Good news for her is that she won't remember any of it.  But she's changed me and I can't imagine life without her.  All my kids too.  They each teach me something different, but she has taught me alot:  patience, faithfulness, respect, endurance, strength, and a different angle on unconditional love.  

I took her for a weight check the other day - and it was 16 pounds even with clothes and a diaper on :/  I was a little disappointed but I have to remind myself that she is eating constantly.  She won't shrivel up.  She definitely won't lose at the rate she's eating.  So despite all the food that she is putting away, she still doesn't gain like a normal baby.  I am looking forward to turning her car seat around forward-facing (even though the new rule is to keep them backwards til they are 2 years old).  She really will be 18 mo + before she hits 20 pounds.  I might throw a party we'll be so excited!  ;) It'll be an "unbirthday" party since we aren't doing birthday parties next year! ;) I'm kidding...but I will drive her around longer that day...maybe until she falls asleep. lol

Ignore her bedhair here, she had just woke from a nap and we made a pit stop at Chick-Fil-A.  

13 months old.  16 pounds. 

Hernia side view.  

"By You I have been upheld from birth; You are He who took me out of my mother's womb.  My praise shall be continually of You. I have become as a wonder to many, but You are my strong refuge.  Let my mouth be filled with Your praise and with Your glory all the day....
You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, shall revive me again, and bring me up again from the depths of the earth..."  Psalm 71:6-20

One of These Kind of Days

I'm selling his old Wolf Halloween costume from last year - and a lady asked me how it fit - so I had to try it on him again.  He has now fulfilled his duty of being a BIG brother!  Scaring Merritt to death!  He is usually very nice to her, but he loved torturing her!  Bless it.  She will never be happy in Disney World now thanks to him.  ;)  #scarredforlife

I've had the same expression on my face as Merritt everyday this week being surrounded by insane parents in the car rider line at MC's school.  Speaking of scared for your life!  Apparently not everyone passed Drivers Education in high school.  tempers blazin-road rage-i will bump your nice Lexus with my deer dented hail damaged swagger wagon if you cut me in line again!  Rules, people, rules!!!  Get up earlier like the rest of us!  Are you teaching your children to cheat their way through life as well?  There are several of us who have to say a special prayer every morning for God to control our emotions, give us patience, and judge the wrong!  

Change can be good!

Loving all the changes around here lately! I promise I will stop talking so much about the kids, but I'm just so excited for this new school year!

Mati Claire was blessed to get her babysitter dear friend, Miss Rachel I mean Ms. McFarland for her first grade teacher!  ;)  The blessings continue because not only did we get the teacher we wanted, but she also has MANY friends in her class this year that she already knows.  If you aren't familiar with CPS, the students will have a whole new class every year and normally won't have the same friends from the year before.  There are 850 students at her school this year (421 of those being Kindergartners), and there are 16 first grade teachers.  So we had a 1 in 16 chance of getting who we requested!  We are beyond thrilled and so excited for this school year! I will post a pic of her after the first day Monday!

Mattox-man is starting 3 year old preschool next week.  My boy is 3 going on 13 I think.  He seems to be the one I can't make time stop for.  I say this lightly, but seriously... there have been days where I wish he would stay 3 forever.  I love that he will wear his dinosaur pajamas, Superman or Batman shirt, cowboy boots, camo shorts, with an IronMan mask wherever we go.  He got a good friend of ours, Mrs. Kim, for his teacher.  Look at his baby face here!

Miss Merritt.  She is just a different child since her first birthday!  I can't say enough about her lately!  She has really blown my mind the past month.  Not only did she start crawling scooting, but she is eating table food like crazy, and SLEEPING 12 HOURS AT NIGHT IN HER OWN CRIB!  I feel like she is ----wait----do I say it?-----------n.o.r.m.a.l.           yep.   normal for the first time in her life.  She is drinking whole milk with no problems (but I still nurse her twice a day) and she has just come alive the past few weeks!  I'm loving this "new" Merritt.  She keeps life interesting and definitely keeps us on our toes! (not that I didn't like her before - but she is so happy lately.  I'm happy if she's happy!)

There She Goes! (& Merritt Update)

Mitt is M-O-B-I-L-E now!!!!!  She doesn't do the "normal" crawl, but does what I call the "butt-scoot."  Anyone know what I'm talking about?  I would upload a video, but Blogger hates me when I try to do that.  I was so excited today when I couldn't find her!  I put her in the living room and a few seconds later she was nowhere to be found - snuck around the corner following her big bro into the dining room!  Yay!!  

Cardiology Update:  Her heart is pretty much the same overall.  (Backstory - the first 2 of 3 holes in her heart closed in the NICU, but we have been following her VSD).  The VSD is ALMOST closed.  Usually, the smaller the hole the louder the sound - but our new fave cardiologist said that wasn't even the case for her!  In her case, it was so small he could barely hear it.  The echo showed the tissue almost covering the hole (it has slowly moved down).  Bottom line is that he thinks it will eventually close on its own without ever having any surgery!!!  Praise God, the almighty Healer!  It gives me chills to think she could have had open heart surgery at 6 months old if we hadn't decided to get a second opinion!  If anyone ever needs a pediatric cardiologist in the Jackson area - I can highly recommend one!

Pediatric Update:  We had our 1 year checkup with Dr. "Whistle" the other day.  I love him too.  I had fully prepared myself to hear a lecture about fattening her up, push the physical aspects, push the areas that she's behind in.... but nope!  I got the "keep doing what you're doing!"  what a relief!  She does have constipation issues which is normal for O babies --- but other than that she's great!  Weighed 15 pounds 12 oz with clothes on = not on the growth chart at all (or less than 2% I think he said).  Was 29" long which is in the 50% and head circum. was in the 25%.    So tall but skinny!  lol!  sums up most of our family regardless of any O! ;)

Weaning Update:  ok this is not going well.  for either of us.  but it's going.  I've never had to actually wean a baby before.  My other 2 babies "quit me"  around 11 months but I had pumped so much extra milk that I used that to get me over the 1 year mark with both.  Merritt on the other hand HATES the bottle!  I have been slowly introducing whole milk over the past month and mixing it with breastmilk I pumped while she was in the NICU.  she would rather starve and hold out for the real thing and skip the bottles!  crazy child.  I'm not one of those moms willing to breastfeed til they start Kindergarten.  Plus Mitt is a biter.  I'm over it.  Lets move on to the next phase please.  

Pacifier Update:  yes, theres an update on that too.  I pulled the plug cold turkey on my other 2 at 13 months of age.  Hmmmm........there seems to be a window of opportunity I see the past 2 days where she has not used it.  Do I go ahead and pull the plug knowing she will have surgery next year and needs "more comfort" than a "normal" child - or do I treat her as normal as I would my other two? 

Nursery Room Update:  yes, things are crazy here, right?  We moved her crib into her real room this past weekend.  Her crib had been in our room since we didn't know how we would be bringing her home from the hospital (tubes, trach, dressing changes, etc.)  On an average night this past year, she would start out in her crib ---> sleep ~2-4 hours ---> wake/eat ----> depending on my mood and our level of alertness she would usually end up in my bed.  Now that she is quite mobile it is difficult to sleep with her.  So I began the "let her cry it out" method last night.  Usually I hear her stomach growl in the middle of the night - and with a baby that has weight issues - I couldn't knowingly ignore that...... until now!  

Surgery Update:  we have another appointment with the surgeon in August.

So LOTS of changes around here!  

Merritt's Party

Woodland Fairy and Butterflies!
Welcome to Merritt's party post! 

Invitations

Smeared the phone and address for privacy.  

Inspiration!
I started thinking about her first party when she was around 3 months old I think.  Since she couldn't tell me what kind of party she wanted, I tried to come up with something that described her but also something that was meaningful (not a random theme).  The only inspiration I had was her nursery, which is lavender and light green. She is tiny.  She is a miracle.  Hmm..sounds like a little fairy to me!  After browsing the Woodland Fairy theme online, it was sort of a theme for older girls usually so I blended Woodland Fairy meets Secret Garden Party meets Spring Butterflies.  I wanted elements of each.  I didn't want Mid-Summer Nights Dream - I wanted a baby woodland fairy.  There is a fine line for all you party people out there.

 Food

• Chicken salad sandwiches cut with butterfly cookie cutter
• Pretzel butterflies.  Saw these on Pinterest - and they are right up my alley
• "Dew Drops" White chocolate stuffed raspberries.  Big hit at the party!
• Fairy Fruit Wands
• Meringue Mushrooms
• Cupcakes (and Smash cake)
• "Nectar" (purple Gatorade and sweet tea) served in Mason jars with daisy lids!
• Brownie Violets
• Cheese and "Nuts and Twigs" aka pretzels and nuts

Backdrops and Decorations
1.  Ribbon backdrop.  Lawd.help.me.  WHY did I decide to do this??? Saw it on Pinterest in another color scheme - and thought - "wow, ribbons would be pretty."  Yeah, pretty darn expensive.  Won't do that again, but I was happy with it overall.

-------While I was making it in the hallway of my house, Mattox came out of another room carrying a little pink ribbon.  I had never seen the ribbon before and I have no idea where it came from (purple being the theme here).  He insisted that I attach it to the rope with the others, which is weird because he usually doesn't care about that kind of stuff.  So I did and as I was tying it - I immediately thought of sweet baby Ava Grace whose was a neighbor and friend of Merritt's in the NICU.  Ava Grace's signature color is pink.  I would love to see that baby girl now and I know she is looking down on her mommy today.  Ava Grace was about 3 weeks older than Mitt, and would be turning 1 too.  In remembrance of Merritt's first friend, the pink ribbon stayed. -------

2.  Chalkboard Art.  I loved it.  Highly recommend! one of my favorite things at her party!

The sun QUICKLY bleached the brownie icing to blue from purple!  Lessons learned.

3.  Fairy Garden.  

4.  Merritt's "First Year" table. Pictures of all her "firsts" (first bath, first holidays, etc) and her monthly pictures.

5.  Toad stools were set out for people to sit on.  

6.  Giant balloons.  These were a hit.   See below in More pics!  

Activities
I've always struggled with what to do at a 1 year old birthday party.   Most of the time, the star of the party can't walk yet.  Can't talk, can't/won't really eat much, can't play any games (except peek-a-boo!).  Merritt LOVES to watch her older siblings.  So I tried to come up with ideas of things that she could watch!  Painting fairy houses is pretty popular, but I decided Merritt couldn't really do any of that.  Trying to keep it simpler instead of pulling out paint supplies.  

• Butterfly Release.  I thought this was a good activity for someone who can't walk yet.  She would enjoy watching tons of butterflies (I hoped) and after reading about how to do live butterfly releases - it really symbolized her in a way (Miracle Merritt)!  I am by no means calling her a caterpillar - but just referring to the change, the miracle, and delicate nature of a butterfly is amazing.  You should read up on your metamorphosis.  ;)

• NO GIFTS PLEASE!  Merritt accepted donations in a moss covered purse to give to the NICU at UMC.  She "raised" $320.00!!!!!!!!   If you could see the babies in the NICU that don't get visitors every day, or don't have even a single balloon attached to their isolette, or their parents live too far away to visit everyday.... you will want to give them your entire heart and everything you own!  Some babies had no one to talk to them, no personal blankets or toys to look at... donate to the NICU please!

• Wishing tree.  I saw this on Pinterest and thought it was the cutest idea ever.  So pretty!  Since Merritt has gone through so much, I wanted everyone to write down their thoughts, happy birthday wishes, dreams, and anything else for her to keep in her baby book!  Make her a birthday "wish" and she will keep it forever!  I wanted her to know later how much everyone prayed for her!  And the tree went with the theme!

Before all the tags were hung

• And of course singing to the birthday girl!  I think I cried.  How I love babies and parties.  Be.still.my.heart.

Party Favors
























Plantable paper containing seeds with a bag of soil in a chalkboard painted pot that read "and 1 to grow on"  attached with "Merritt's Miracle Dust" or pixie dust glitter for fun.  

Misc. Pictures

Mitt's party dress only lasted long enough to take a few pics.  Can't blame her - it was scratchy and hot!

Sweet Brooke with a monarch

"I'M FINISHED WITH BIRTHDAY PARTIES FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR!!!!!"

My sister called this the "Pic of the Party"....good times.

Give Credit Where Credit is Due! (click on names for website links)

• Photographer:  Heather Bowser.  I hired a photographer for Mati Claire's 1st party, and I regret that I didn't with Mattox.  It takes SUCH a load off.  And allows me to just enjoy the party!  And videotape it.    Thank you!  
• Florist:  Meredith Young at AuCourant. I knew when I picked Woodland Fairy that I would need help.  This party could.not.have.been.possible. without Meredith.  Blow me away with flowers!!! Loved it!
• Merritt's Dress:  Enchanted Fairy and Kellys Kids.  I found a GroupOn coupon so that saved me a TON on the dress.  Otherwise it never would have happened.  But it was impossible to find anything to fit her, so they tried to make it adjustable.  We found out early on that tulle is scratchy so she got a 2nd outfit to feel more comfortable.  
• Mati Claire's Dress:  Chasing Fireflies
• Party Favor Chalkboard-painted Pots:  KnoxProPhotography on Etsy.  There is a very simple DIY way to make chalkboard painted pots, but after reading how many coats it took...I decided I didn't have time to paint that many pots that many times.  
• Party Favor Plantable Paper Seeds:  PulpArt on Etsy.  I actually got this idea from Danielle (thank you, D!) who I think is a long-lost sister of mine, but also an O mom.  You can read about McKinley's first party HERE... and I must say its one of the cutest parties I've ever seen!  But wonderful idea to incorporate the idea of GROWTH into the party, being that growth is such an issue with O babies!   
• Chalkboard Art:  Bonnie Dickerson at Southern Sprout.  I will sound old and cheesy when I say this, but this.is.the.bomb!  I loved it!  can we say 'my splurge'?
• HighChair Tutu:  TutuLand on Etsy
• Cupcake wrappers:  Etsy - Back to Zero and PaperPartyParade
• Miracle Merritt's Dust (pixie dust party favor):  EnchantedbyFae on Etsy
• Plates, Chargers, napkins, utensils, etc...:  Michaels Craft Stores, Hobby Lobby, Party City
• Smash cake and cupcakes:  my best friend, Tyanne McCoy, offered to make these for her party.  I have tried many different bakeries...but NONE compare to Tyanne's cupcakes.  They are my favorite.  I decided I didn't have time (as much as I wanted to) to make the smash cake when I had to make so many other food items.  Thank you Tyanne! We will always remember it!
• Mason jars with daisy lids, striped paper straws: The TomKat Studio
• Invitations, buffet tags, and wish tags:  Unink.   Joanna Keith is amazing!  But contact her at least 6 months in advance if you want to use her - she is in high demand and super busy! Love.
• Wishing Tree:  MadeAtTheLake on Etsy.  Thank you, John, for making this extra special for an extra special little girl!
• Cupcake stand:  postscripts on Etsy
• Smash cake stand/cheese plate:  the GypsyBird on Etsy
• the 12 wooden place card holders/picture holders: OMYMOMMADETHIS on Etsy
• Giant balloons:  Martha Stewart party line collection found at JCPenney. Thanks to Party City for blowing them up.
• AND last but not least.... the BIGGEST THANK YOU to my mom and sister for helping me put everything together!  Would NOT have happened without them! They gave 110% in the mid-summer Mississippi heat to help me.  I love you!