A New Look

I got a new "look" tonight. I thought I had seen them all. This one broke my heart and I just need to get it off my chest so to speak:

Mati Claire saw me refilling her humidifier so of course went running into her room to play with the water in the base of it. I yelled from the sink, "do NOT play in the water Mati Claire!!!" Which I knew she was going to anyway. A few seconds later I went into her room and found her wiping the water all over the wall (near outlets I might add) so I REALLY yelled at her. Yes, I spoke before I thought and "in the moment." She then looked up and gave me a "look." It was the sweetest, most sincere tears welled up sorry look and said "I didn't know" while holding her hands up...as if it were a question. The words came out in a studder because she was about to cry and she tucked her bottom lip in...and in a tone that I've never heard. The "I didn't know" was of course not true...she knew alright. But that's not what got me so upset. I hope I never see this look again. I over-reacted a bit, but the scene still needed some discipline. I immediately started crying myself.

Then I was reminded of Sunday School this past week. Mr. L was referring to our parents telling us as children that a spanking would hurt them more than us. As children, we don't get it. For the first time, I understand. I didn't even spank her. I was so upset that I couldn't! Like I said, I had never seen that look on her face before.

She has the "Allen" look and her "Matt" look (all of which have something to do with the eyebrows), and I've even seen a glimpse of Aunt Rachel for one split second. But this one was ALL Mati Claire... and it broke my heart. I can't tell you how many times I told her I love her before putting her to bed.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

This new-found conversation capability has really thrown me. Here was our conversation on the way home from church Sunday:
Me: Did you have fun in church today?
MC: It was okay.
Me: Just okay?
MC: Yeah. (in a sorrowful voice)