Bugged Out

I grew up out in the country. I grew up watching my Dad kill "big daddy" snakes all the time. I had a roach go down my shirt when I was a junior in high school... we won't go into details, but I have never fully recovered from that experience. Needless to say, I. DO. NOT. DO. BUGS. Bugs/snakes/critters/ whatever. And the older I get the worse it gets!

This week I have experienced:
1. I killed a humongous spider in my kitchen... only to find out it was a VERY pregnant momma spider and about 20 little babies went running wild. Seriously. I couldn't make this stuff up.

2. I've already mentioned the caterpillar infestation on my porches in my ferns. Luckily they don't put up much of a fight. But I literally twitched and itched for an entire day. Any time a hair on my head moved - I jumped.

3. Then the big one. Really. I've never come so close to a major heart attack. I bent down to pick up Mattox out of his chair and I see... hold it ... a SNAKE in my kitchen!!! About 2 feet away from my baby. Probably within inches from where Mati Claire had been drawing and running. I thought to myself - 'that can't be what I think it is' - 'nope, that doesn't look like any of MC's toys' - I froze. Literally. I think I stared at it for at least 2 minutes. Do I trap it? With what? Do I kill it? With what? Do I move? Do I move Mattox first? How do I move? Will it move? Where will it move? Why is it raising its head at me? Do I get the shovel? Where is the shovel? Ok, let me get a knife. Not just any knife - I need a machete. Ok, found the biggest knife in my kitchen.

Matt was on his way home but I didn't know exactly how soon he would be there. Called his cell phone 3 times with no answer. Tried calling the neighbor with no answer. My hands were shaking because I have a snake and a machete 2 feet away from a 5 month old baby and 3 year old running around...and a half-crazed mommy. Then I hear choir bells - I mean - Matt's car pulling in the garage. I run outside and start yelling at him to come inside and help me! He chased it outside but then lost it. Dear Lord.

Yes, my glass of pinot noir is really good right now. Good night everyone.