Ponderings...

We saw this video at our church's revival last night.  It.is.awesome.  Francis Chan says EXACTLY what I was trying to say in my last post - only better.

I love when Life Action comes to our church.  God uses them to show us how to apply ourselves in daily activities the way He would want us to.  God speaks to me every time I listen to Mr. Canfield.  This week I am obviously more open to hearing from God.  I am "all ear" as he stated.  Last night he discussed sacrificial love.  "If you place your happiness in the hands of another human being, you are guaranteeing disappointment.   The best thing you can do for your life is to fill your soul with God.  Define disappointment as a call to worship."     The night before, we discussed idols.  For most people he was probably speaking of spouses, co-workers, friends, etc.   For me, God was telling me it was my kids.  Yep - you heard that right - my own kids.  I am one of those mothers who lives and breathes my kids.  I don't think I let it take control of my marriage or any extreme... but yes, I spend more time thinking about them than I do God.  Even when they aren't with me, I'm thinking about something child related... when I could be praying or reading the Bible or working on study homework.

I read the story of Abraham and Isaac to Mati Claire a few weeks ago.  I've heard that story a million times.  And it never really hit me until I read it to my own child for the 100th time.  The children's book that we read has some pictures, and I don't believe they are 100% accurate but it gets the story across to a 4 year old.  Mati Claire saw one of our neighbors burning trash and tree limbs a few weeks ago, and she asked me if he was about to perform a "sac-a-fice" in his front yard.  He was obviously building that fire to put an animal on it.  ;)  There's your MC'ism for the day.  Anyway, back to the other part of the story.  I couldn't figure out WHY God would ask Abraham to sacrifice his own son.  Isaac was the child that he and Sarah had dreamed of, prayed for, and most likely parent-like worshipped (besides God himself).  Isaac was the promised one and I can imagine or even relate to what they felt for Isaac.  Now I know God was testing Abraham to see if he would even do it... but I still couldn't figure out why Isaac?  I think its because it was the one thing on earth that Abraham couldn't stand to lose.  Things are replaceable...but you can't replace a child.  And I think part of what I heard from God last night... is that He's willing to test my willingness with this baby.  I am so afraid of the limits God is pushing me towards.  I'm afraid of the what-ifs.  I'm afraid of the unknown.  I'm afraid for my other two children and how they will be affected by all this (if at all).  Am I willing to still keep God first before any of my children?  And look at what Francis Chan went through by the age of 16! My goodness.   I was/am placing all of my happiness in this one person (or 3).  Its hard for me to see anything past my next doctor's appointment.  And that's where faith comes in.  You can't see it... but we have it.

I had never really paid attention to the lyrics (although I knew most of them) to Third Day's song "Show Me Your Glory."  The second verse says

When I climb down the mountain
and get back to my life
I won't settle for ordinary things
I'm gonna follow You forever
And for all of my days
I won't rest 'til I see You again

 The first 2 lines are what stunned me.  GETTING BACK TO MY LIFE.   There is so much to say there that it would take a whole new blog post.   But my point is that I will get to the "other side of the mountain" one day... and perhaps things will be "back to normal" or a new normal... but I'm hoping it will be different in that God has made us stronger and more willing to cross those boundaries.  And not be so afraid.  And who knows what else God will teach me by that point.  I pray God will  give me a better score when I get off my balance beam routine, because right now I am clinging on like Chan demonstrates in the video.

Ok ok ok.  I will get off my drama and show you a pic of those that are putting a smile on my face lately.

 Mattox lost his bowl cut today too... Matt wanted him to have the "big boy haircut".  He's growing up too fast! Someone postpone his birthday because my baby boy is NOT about to turn 2!