Good News!

Baby #4 is in the clear as far as Trisomy 13, 18, and 21 (Downs)!  We are still waiting to hear back on the Cystic Fibrosis test, but I could jump for joy today --- if I could actually jump.

I've been stressing and praying and worrying for the past week.  Was totally shocked when I got the phone call this morning b/c I didn't expect it until next week.  The test just brought back alot of feelings and memories/flashbacks of being pregnant with Merritt, and I can't say I enjoyed most of that pregnancy.  People say "it doesn't matter what the test says"…. but have you ever been faced with the real possibility?  I had begun my research (which I strongly suggest NOT doing).  Once again, I was questioning everything.  "Why me? Why the baby?  How can I take care of a Trisomy baby while still dealing with Merritt (not that she has any issues to necessarily deal with but I still worry more about her)?"    Someone asked me if I was excited that it was a boy…. yes and no.  And not referring to the boy part, but just couldn't get excited for some reason and then I felt guilty about that.  I think in the back of my mind I knew we would see the specialist and couldn't be happy until I heard the word healthy and free of any defects (organs, heart, genetics, etc).  And of course I felt guilty over that for thinking I could only be happy if it was healthy.  I was still happy with Merritt, but it definitely makes your earthly human nature come out… and I hated that.  Its very hard to wrap your mind around things like this.  And time is the only thing that sort of helped if that makes any sense.

My heart goes out to all the mommies out there of Trisomy babies -- thinking of my friends Amy Oakes and Julie Roberts.  They are the strongest mommies I've ever met.

I may have to go buy something new for him today since I haven't bought a single thing yet and he will be getting plenty of hand-me-downs in the future!  Mattox already asked me "momma, you are going to buy him all new toys, right?"  Bless him.  He's already realizing he's about to have to share his stuff and he is NOT happy about it!  But he is being a sweet big brother lately -- kissing my belly and asking to talk to him already.  He said he would show him the ropes of how to deal with those sisters!  And Mati Claire says she has relinquished all big sister duties… and deferred this one to Mattox.  Kids are crazy!