Sunday, November 10, 2013

Merritt Update #1,000

We set Merritt's second surgery for December 30th.  I think I am in some sort of denial to a degree - in my mind, I keep waiting for the hospital to call and reschedule for some reason, or more likely - I am just completely blocking the thought of another surgery out.  

To catch you up (and I have had tons of people asking my why and what).  She had surgery at 4 days old to put her liver and other organs back in.  It went well and they managed to get full muscle closure along with skin closure.  About a month after she came home from the hospital (about 2 months old), we noticed a slight bulge in her belly when she cried.  Over the last year it has definitely become larger - and its basically a large hernia.  Her ab muscles could not hold everything in when they weren't used to having anything behind it.  The surgeon said now vs. next summer would not make a difference.  Dr. B will open her abdomen back up and put her liver in again (appears that is what is bulging out).  He will most likely use a piece of "pig dermis" which is actually a piece of pig intestine lining to help reinforce the abs.  Since this is a biologic mesh, he said there is no need for us to get it removed later (where if we used a piece of synthetic mesh, it would need to be taken back out later).  I basically understood it to mean that it will sort of 'dissolve' or 'become part of her'.   He may not even necessarily need to use it, but said he probably would just so we wouldn't be back in surgery again in a few years.  If for some crazy reason, he can't get her abs to pull together again (the hernia has become larger), he might have to remove part of her liver.  But he didn't think that would happen, and the liver does regenerate itself for those of you not of scientific mind! lol!  :)

The surgeon said he expects her to be in the hospital about 2 days, and said she should be back to normal after a week or two.  

Could yall say a prayer for her?  And for me.  I cry already at the thought of putting her through another surgery.  I know she needs this.  I knew it was coming regardless of when.  
She is beginning to take a few steps and making major progress in physical strength.  When she was in the NICU, the nurses compared her surgery to a C-section but probably worse.  So I'm expecting the walking to take a back seat after this.  

Our pediatrician has also recommended speech therapy now.  I can't remember if I posted about this... you just hate to see your baby delayed -- no matter what the case.  

She's still not 20 pounds yet.  I'm afraid surgery will delay that as well.  I might get to turn her car seat around when she's 10.  ;)  

This post sounds very depressing, right?  But today, I'm actually happy!  I was thinking about the blog in church this morning - and how you probably haven't heard me mention my faith in Jesus lately.  This had nothing to do with our sermon or lesson today, but I was reminded that you only hear people mention God when something is wrong.  I am so not like that - but my blog might appear that way.  So I'm changing that in this post!  Everything is great in the big picture - and I have God to thank for it!  Not just because Thanksgiving is upon us... but I just wanted to publicly thank God and my Savior, Jesus for all the blessings and all the things He has given us.  I was reminded today that despite Merritt's issues, she is STILL a miracle.  She may be behind in a few things - but that won't keep her down.  I thank God for giving her the spunk in her personality, and the spark in my faith (that I wasn't aware it needed at the time).  

Our Sunday School teacher said something today that sort of hit home.  I can't remember exactly word for word - but it was about how God will show you exactly what you struggle with.  Doubt was our topic of discussion.  Our teacher struggled with doubt in public speaking... and 10 years+ later, here he is speaking in front of 30+ people every Sunday morning.   For me, I have ALWAYS struggled with doubt in proof.  Proof of God...Proof of Jesus' life.  Don't get me wrong, I knew I was saved... but I'm saying I struggled with doubt.   I have a scientific mind (I love math and science) and I like definite answers and definite proof.  I enjoyed English - but I always hated how one story could mean one thing to one person and the total opposite to the next person.  But I always DOUBTED the lack of proof (and I'm talking about the scientific proof) over Jesus.  Trust me, I've watched every History Channel documentary... Discovery Channel... read the books.  So 20 years later... what did God give me?  He showed me a baby that in all scientific theory and knowledge should NOT be here today.  He put my "facts" to the test.  You can not PROVE anything other than God's amazing work.  I've always heard the saying "Science only takes you so far, and then comes God."  But I had to see it with my own eyes.     And God knew I wanted to SEE proof of His existence.  

All that to say---- I am thankful today.  Nervous about the upcoming surgery, but I know God has us in His hands.  

 I am also very thankful for Mati Claire.  She is hitting a new phase lately where she is beginning to question alot of adult behavior (if it was even possible for her to question more) and is beginning to hit the "pre-teen" stage.  I have found myself having many "adult" conversations than I ever expected to have with a 6 year old.  The "friend" drama and the "boy" drama has started.  I guess you could say I've seen her take a jump in the "growing up" in the past few weeks.  I see her TRYING SO HARD to be perfect for everyone.  Bless her.  It will catch up with her later, but I love how she tries to please everyone.  She is such a joy to have as a daughter despite her drama, and I feel like I'm too hard on her most of the time.  She got to see her best friend, Claire, that moved away last year.  And oh my - these are the 2 sweetest little girls you have ever seen.  I loved getting to catch up with Amy and I miss that family so much!  Kellan made a surprise appearance too - which made MC's day even better! Those 3 kids are adorable and such sweet friends!  

(Yes, I am thankful for Mattox too - but today I'm just thankful he's alive.  He hasn't killed himself or anyone else in his endeavors today.)  ;)
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