Tuesday, September 16, 2014

I Came Across an Atheist

I think I've mentioned that I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.  I think it is awful overall but I do think some good can come of it.  After all, I have made several new friends that are also O moms and love them dearly.  Being as Merritt is 2 years old, I find myself "out of the loop" most of the time in the O support group on FB.  Since we are not actively going through our journey/struggles, I can not relate to most of the women anymore.  I honestly couldn't relate to most of them even when I was pregnant because everyone's situation varies.  I feel like I'm standing there just as an image of hope.  Something for those new moms to hold onto… and perhaps look at what they can have if they choose not to terminate the pregnancy.  When they ask how we survived, I tell them my story.  Easy.

However, today happened. And it struck a nerve as it did with most of the members.  And I am without doubt that my blog post will make it back to the group with many comments.  But being as this is MY blog, I am open to freedom of speech… and my beliefs.  I don't believe God put me in this position to sit back and say nothing.  I think God wants me to use our journey to show His power and His grace.

Abortion is a hot topic in any person's life, but a frequent conversation in the group - since we are ALL confronted with the option at some point in our pregnancies of O babies.  Personally, yes, the thought crossed my mind but it did not linger very long.  I was not offended by the option of choice and was not offended that I considered the doctor to be doing his job.  I simply said "no" and moved on.

Today, a new member voiced her concern that (as an atheist) IF she were to choose termination, would she receive support from the group? And also, IF we were to give her support… would we mind showing respect for her as an atheist and not use words such as pray, God, or heaven?

I assure you…. whatever you are thinking…. I thought it myself.  I fought for hours refraining from commenting or responding while reading the dozens of others who did.  I got in my car and prayed to MY God, "how do I respond to that?  because I don't feel I should sit by and say nothing."  I emailed my preacher because it bothered me to the point of my blood pressure rising.  I honestly have never given much thought to atheism.  I got in my car to pick up the kids from school… radio on KLOVE station… I only caught the end of the song that was playing and I heard the lyrics "cry out His name!"  My support will be the same no matter who you are.  I will pray to my God and love you as He loved me no matter what you are.  I can not keep track of who is Christian, Jewish, Catholic, atheist, etc in a group of hundreds.

So I decided that no matter the backlash… I would do what I believe and cry out His name.  I'm not gifted with the talent of eloquent wording…. I just say what I feel… usually pretty blunt.  My main issue suddenly wasn't religion or even abortion… but Facebook.  Its stupid… and I'll get to my point in just a sec…

Being as what they call "on the other side" now of omphaloceles, I say there WAS a time I felt I had NO support.  There were days that my husband couldn't stop my crying.  There were days that my family couldn't help.  There were days that my friends' questions just irritated me further.  There were days that the doctors and staff did nothing to console me.  There were days that I couldn't find anyone within the support group that had gone through my exact situation although close.  I certainly couldn't depend on myself because I felt totally defeated, depressed, angered, and completely utterly alone.

Who did I look to?  You bet your life I turned to God.  And that is my answer when you ask me for my support and how I got through this situation.

According to her, atheists "believe" that miracles are a combination of medical staff and chance.



Oh how I beg to differ.   I honestly do. not. understand. how someone can give birth to a baby and not believe in God or in miracles.   Seeing as I struggle with proof myself, there are some things that have happened in my life (not even omphalocele or baby related) that ALL the science in the world can not explain.  And multiple times though out my life.  So if they say its chance… then I must be the luckiest girl in the world, right?  Ha!

I will take my chances with MY GOD and my Savior, Jesus Christ. And if by the "chance" that I'm wrong, then what god will tell me that in the afterlife, according to an atheist?

So back to Facebook.  My issue with that is that it is simply Facebook.  Which is open to freedom of speech.  They also have these lovely features called "Delete" and "Hide" or you can simply find the will to ignore someone!  Can you imagine using that???  

My preacher responded with a very good link that I found useful today!  If you know anyone who is struggling with pregnancy of ANY birth defect (this is not O related) or genetic abnormality, please read and share this!

I 100% agree that terminating a pregnancy to "put it out of its misery" --- you are really saying to put YOU out of your misery.   And you aren't willing to go through the struggle to reap the rewards.  Are you stating that these rewards weren't what you were looking for?  These rewards were not what you had in mind?  These rewards aren't good enough???  Tell yourself that all you want… and then look your child in the eye and tell them that.  One of my dear friends and neighbors I met while in the NICU, carried a Trisomy 18 baby to term.  She lived about 4 months and I know that the mom does not regret a single second of it.  Yes its sad and its heartbreaking to the point of unfathomable pain.  I can not even imagine it myself. Her rewards are so different than the ones we have experienced.  Everyone is different...

But give the baby a CHANCE to prove you wrong.

post signature

Monday, September 8, 2014

And Baby Makes 6!

Yes!  We will be a family of 6 next year!  Baby #4 is due at the end of March.  I'll have 2 March babies and 2 July babies!  We are all excited!  I'm even more excited over the fact that I have NOT been very sick with this one.  This one is very nice to me overall, and I'm hoping that personality trait will continue on the outside. ;)  The last 2 weeks have had their share of rough days, but I can't complain overall.  I was really sick with Mattox and Merritt.  The doctor joked that maybe I earned a reprieve now.  For the first time ever, food is my best friend.  I'm 11 weeks and I've gained 4 pounds already = a new record for me!  Believe it or not, I have trouble gaining weight usually when I'm pregnant.  

Baby is looking great and healthy so far!  Heartrate is strong (and very fast = girl maybe?).  Dr. T will do more sonograms because of my "advanced maternal age" and then will send me to my specialist at 20 weeks to take a better/closer look because of Merritt's history (although that was not genetic related it was still considered a birth defect so they will check for any abnormalities with a Level 2 or 3 ultrasound).  

I am predicting another girl -- but I have been wrong two out three times.  After going through Merritt's issues, I will be happy with healthy.  And perhaps a left handed baby.  What is up with that?  We've decided 2 lefties' make a right because all 3 of my kids are right handed.  Matt and I are in the minority now!  

Anyway, here's one of the first pics of the new kid in town:

post signature