Monday, September 21, 2015

Hearts Hurting

So many people we know or know-of are battling terminal conditions.  A 31 year old mother of one is battling a rare type of untreatable liver cancer.  A 5 year old little boy passed away yesterday from cancer.  A sweet lady in my Bible study who has 2 teenage daughters passed away over the weekend from cancer.  Several O babies passing in the last few weeks.  My heart is so heavy and it hurts for these families.

When I'm so angry at Merritt for being a typical 3 year old, I need to remind myself that she is HERE.  Yes, she is slow to potty train.  Could be her stubborn strong willed self or it could be O related.  who knows.  She tells me her tummy hurts almost every day lately.  I don't know what to do or even say when she's still eating and going to the bathroom as usual.  There's nothing I can do for a tummy ache if she's doesn't have a stomach bug.

I haven't really lost anyone that I've been super close to.  I haven't lost a parent or child (thank you Lord!) - so I can't relate to the pain they must be feeling.  I have journeyed to the dark side for a bit.  Don't care to ever go there again.  But through it I truly understood the Abraham and Isaac story.  Sacrificing your child for God.  I (finally) had reached a point that I was ACCEPTING (wasn't happy about it but definitely accepting) of the fact that Merritt might go HOME sooner rather than later.  That peace people tell you about…. it comes one day.  Knowing you will see them again and knowing they are in a far better place and not in pain anymore.  'Death, where is your sting?'  I finally "got it."  I finally understood what that REALLY meant.  I am glad she's still here with us, and lately I have to hug her a little harder and more often.  I started watching her again after she falls asleep… just thinking how precious she is.

I went to college with this mom.  I'm not friends with her now, but I applaud her for her strength and ability to put this out there.  I can only hope I would have these words when I am in a similar situation.

So after you've dried your tears from reading that… I will rejoice in the happiness surrounding us lately.   Several new babies being born.  Family weddings.  Planning vacations.  Rejoicing in our faith in God and knowing what a mighty Healer He is!  Seeing several people with stage IV cancer now proving to be cancer-free.

and maybe (just maybe) because he's the baby - but this one ALWAYS put a smile on my face and we are celebrating 6 months of having this one leveling out the playing field for us.  I love my sweets!  I love love love 6 months of age!  It is my favorite age so far of parenting!  He ends our baby streak with a high level of cuteness and happiness!

in a milk coma

i will never tire of this face

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