Saturday, July 29, 2017

Sad Summer

Most of you that know us, have probably heard we are moving down the road soon.  Same city.  Different house.  

Question of the year:  WHY are you moving???

3 days before our trip to Ireland while sitting in a church pew at Merritt's preschool graduation program, Matt shows me a picture of a house for sale.  We had never discussed even the possibility of moving.  If anything, it was the opposite.  He would repeatedly tell me he planned to NEVER move again.  2 months ago, I would have told you we were planning to die in our house.  Just goes to show me again - you can plan all you want... but life has a way of not following.  I REALLY thought it was a novel that would fall through and the idea would pass when it didn't work out.  I REALLY thought it wouldn't "pan out" so to speak.   Surely the realtors and inspectors would find SOMETHING wrong, right?  ......  we toured it twice before leaving for our vacation.  

After much discussion, arguing, and silent treatments while on vaca out of the country... we bought a house!  I was really mad because Matt was focused on the house and not on our vacation.   We were eating breakfast one morning in a CASTLE and he's on his phone looking at contracts.  I immediately began to resent the "new" house for distracting us.  crazy, huh?

I blamed Matt for uprooting the only home our kids have ever known.  I resented the fact that he obviously wasn't 100% happy in what I thought was an amazing house!  It IS an amazing house.  We built it. We made it.  We added to it.  It fit our needs as we grew.  Until it didn't anymore with kid #4.    But we still didn't NEED a new house.  Plenty of siblings share a room and I was beginning to think I was spoiling my kids by letting them each have their own room.  

Our house COULD be perfect for a family with 4 kids... but it doesn't leave much room when alot of extended family comes to visit on a pretty regular basis.  Our house sort of maxes out at 2-3 kids with a room or two to spare for company.  Plus Matt needs a dark quiet room to sleep in during the day.  Our large-er family has somewhat specific needs for crazy schedules with family that lives out of town.  The new house fits the bill as far as layout, size, location, etc.  Its definitely more family-functional for a bigger family with an even bigger extended family.

The new house is great - don't get me wrong.  But it wasn't OURS.  Certainly wasn't MINE.  Sure, it had more space, more bedrooms, and a much better backyard for kids.  But again, I was happy where I was.  Content.  I still had reservations. I didn't just like our house, I LOVE it!  I am emotionally attached to our house because its where ALL of the memories with ALL of my kids are.  Their first birthday parties, their first steps, our annual Halloween party, and even the bad memories are still part of it!  I felt like I was gaining and losing with the move.  It all depended on the priorities and who you are talking to.  

After weeks of being upset over leaving the house I love, it finally hit me that I am too blessed to be upset over these houses.  I am blessed to have a husband who allows me to stay home with the kids.  Who am I to argue with where he wants to live if he makes all the money, right?  If he was willing to put in the work that it needed to make it ours, and he was.... and the actual moving process... then I decided to quit arguing with him, and see that he thought our current house was getting tight as the kids are getting bigger.  

Then our dog, Koda, took a turn for the worse.  She was 13 and we knew her time was coming soon. However, we were unprepared for the quickness.  She was in alot of pain and we couldn't put her through another dreadful Mississippi summer heat and moving houses next month.  God wrote His name across that situation.  I began to see Koda's passing as a sign that one chapter was ending, and a new one beginning.  Sad nonetheless.

Its ok to change.  Moving is part of growing up.  I have driven by the house I grew up in and I don't even recognize it now.  Yes, its the house that built me.  But I take the rocking chairs with me.  The kids go with me.  ha. The kids still worship the ground the others' walk on.  What makes it a home is US.  We can still dance in the kitchen.  

The things I didn't like about the "new" house were all cosmetic.  Of course, Matt doesn't care for my expensive taste but my conditions on moving were to completely renovate it.  I saw it as a fixer upper and he didn't.  So that's exactly what we are doing.  Fixing it up!  Matt gets to move and I get to decorate it! lol!  

Renovations should take a month or two but our house will be up for sale in the very near future.  We moved in Sept. 11, 2007 --  its almost 10 years TO THE DAY! 

No pun intended... but moving on! 

Mati Claire is not handling it well.  She turned 10.  Lost her only family pet.  Starting shaving her legs.  Asking ALL sorts of adult questions/conversations that I am not ready to answer.  But again, life keeps moving forward on me and I can't stop it.  I am saddened by the fact that she is "coming of age" VERY soon.

Merritt turned 5 and got a major haircut.  She is very excited about starting Kindergarten.  Other than the insane amount of constant talking and the number of times she changes her clothes per day... her behavior has made much improvement.  I think she is finally out of the terrible 3's... that yes, lasted into her almost 5's.

Mason has started talking in full sentences. He's 2 going on 6 I think.  HAS to keep up with the older siblings!  God knew what I needed when He gave me that boy.  He is all smiles and just a joy to be around ALL of the time.  Even teething, he is smiling or sleeping.  He is showing signs of wanting to potty train.  Heaven help me, the baby isn't a "baby" anymore.  His curls and his smile will slay anybody that walks past him.  He even dances to rap music!

Mattox has hit a growth spurt and is going to eat the entire grocery store.  He got a retainer to start his orthodontic work and grew an inch in height since his birthday 4 months ago.  He is ALMOST passing Mati Claire in size... I can't wait to see how tall he will get.  He got the stomach bug a few days after we got back from vacation.  He is struggling with a pretty bad social anxiety phase.  At least I hope its just a phase.  He's had some "extremely rare" (quoted by the dermatologist) viruses lately that have manifested on the skin.  Luckily they will all go away soon but its taken a toll on him.  He's had a pretty miserable summer.  Lately when I look at him, I see a pre-teen/teenager.  I don't see a 7 year old anymore.  He went from being 6 years old, to a big teeth, big man-hair, retainer-wearing, tall/major growth spurt, iPad/video game playing, reading as well as my 10 year old, little MAN.  He's not such a little boy anymore.  :( 

As busy as our summer has been... and contemplating/planning the school year already... it has occurred to me that I rarely see my kids as they get older.  I stay at home, and limit their extra-curricular activities.. and I still don't see them but for a few hours each day.   My kids are their own best friends.  They LOVE each other and for the most part play really well together.  When one is gone, the rest don't know how to act.  Its funny in a way, but it really shows me on a daily basis how important family is.  But I've learned having 4, that when one gets sick, it dictates the others' schedules.  One kid affects the other 3 in so many ways!  When one gets the stomach bug (which is often), do I send the others to school knowing they've been exposed even though they aren't showing symptoms... yet.  ?  They can't afford to miss unnecessary days of school.. due to their sibling's illness.  I can keep them quarantined for a time...but I still have to take the others to school and I can't leave a sick one at home by themselves.  And I won't take the stomach bug in the car if its really bad... so we ALL end up staying home.  Its a cycle or snowball effect type thing.

Life has gotten SO busy (and I only see it getting worse as they get older)....  will I have wished I kept them home more?? I feel like I'm not spending enough quality time with them.  I am usually yelling at them in the car all day because we go from one "thing" to the next.  I've been contemplating homeschooling lately.  I don't feel like I've been called to do that just yet.  Teaching is NOT my spiritual gift and I have ZERO patience.  

And we don't do as many "things" as most people we know.  My mind is blown at the people who sit at the ballfields ALL day or ALL weekend.  We LOVE our family dinners almost every night.  We LOVE having a weekend to do nothing after such a busy week!  We LOVE to go to the lake and teach them how to fish or ski or how to drive a boat!

With all that said, we are ending a chapter in Bellewood... and starting a new chapter in "SOSO" in a new home.  Starting a new school year with 2 of them in new schools.

"Be still and know that I am God..." -Psalm 46:10

Turned 10 and 5 this year!

Miley family pic in front of new house. 

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