Sunday, August 18, 2013

O Hindsight

I can't help but be constantly reminded of our omphalocele journey.  I am in constant hindsight.  People are probably tired of hearing me talk about it.  I've had ALOT of people nonchalantly say "glad yall got through that"  or  "glad that's over" or "she's fine now."  I know what they mean.  But I usually don't respond to those comments because its anything but that!  I don't think we're totally "over it".  And I'm not necessarily talking about her having another surgery in the near future.  It has totally changed ME (I can't really speak for Merritt since she doesn't know any different).   I don't know - maybe I'm just emotional because my other kids are at school now and its just me and Mitt.  

I mentioned this in my last post but she just continues to blow me away!  She MIGHT be my best eater which is just unbelievable.  She will try almost anything on my plate (but don't put it on her highchair) if she is sitting in my lap.  Bananas, rice, Nutrigrain, ham sandwiches, goldfish, cheerios, chicken casseroles, cinnamon rolls, french fries, chicken nuggets, rolls/bread of any kind, beans, she even ate some of my hibachi zucchini tonight!  Relax - I still make her eat her veggies and fruit in baby food too.  The fact that she tolerates everything is very close to a miracle (if you knew of the vast majority of O babies).   Yes, I don't even take chicken nuggets for granted anymore. 

I came across one blog a very long time ago, and I emailed the mom privately with a question.  She responded "I only did the blog during that time and haven't updated it in over 2 years because we don't even think about it anymore.... it's like it never was."  I think that's awesome that they moved past it.  But I think about ALL of it  --- the good and the bad -- daily if not hourly.   Guess you could say the journey has scarred me (and definitely scarred Merritt - literally) but it has re-shaped who we are as a family.  

The O group lost a 4 month old O baby yesterday.  It saddens me to hear that.  For them, it will never be over.  I can't imagine the heartache.  

Many days I feel like I don't deserve Merritt (meaning I have no idea why God saw me somewhat fit to take care of this sweet angel).  She constantly puts things in perspective for me.  I'm complaining about the school car rider line and then I look at her and think about what she has to deal with on a daily basis.  Good news for her is that she won't remember any of it.  But she's changed me and I can't imagine life without her.  All my kids too.  They each teach me something different, but she has taught me alot:  patience, faithfulness, respect, endurance, strength, and a different angle on unconditional love.  

I took her for a weight check the other day - and it was 16 pounds even with clothes and a diaper on :/  I was a little disappointed but I have to remind myself that she is eating constantly.  She won't shrivel up.  She definitely won't lose at the rate she's eating.  So despite all the food that she is putting away, she still doesn't gain like a normal baby.  I am looking forward to turning her car seat around forward-facing (even though the new rule is to keep them backwards til they are 2 years old).  She really will be 18 mo + before she hits 20 pounds.  I might throw a party we'll be so excited!  ;) It'll be an "unbirthday" party since we aren't doing birthday parties next year! ;) I'm kidding...but I will drive her around longer that day...maybe until she falls asleep. lol
Ignore her bedhair here, she had just woke from a nap and we made a pit stop at Chick-Fil-A.  
13 months old.  16 pounds. 
Hernia side view.  

"By You I have been upheld from birth; You are He who took me out of my mother's womb.  My praise shall be continually of You. I have become as a wonder to many, but You are my strong refuge.  Let my mouth be filled with Your praise and with Your glory all the day....
You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, shall revive me again, and bring me up again from the depths of the earth..."  Psalm 71:6-20

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1 comment:

Pamela said...

She's absolutely beautiful! Really!
I understand just where you are coming from! Everyone sees MK as "fine" or nothing stops her or whatever. It's still a very REAL daily struggle...for me and her. She's most definitely fine and there isn't much that stops her...but there's tons and tons of prayer and grace that have gotten her there and she has a lifetime of obstacles (physical and emotional) to overcome yet. So, yes..I get where you are!! It happened, is still happening, and will be happening tomorrow!! I wish everyone would be mindful and remember to keep praying. Rest assured, I am gonna continue to pray for ya'll!!!