Sunday, March 2, 2014

Oh Pineapples!

I've been meaning to write about this for awhile now…but finally - here it is.

A few Saturdays ago, I woke early to let the housecleaners in the front door.  The painters and lawn guys arrived at the same time - so it was quite busy on my front porch at 7:30 am on a Saturday.  The housecleaners drew my attention to a full sized pineapple on my front doorstep.

At first, I thought one of my neighbors left it for me.  Then I thought perhaps my mother-in-law had been to a farmers market or something and had an extra one.  Buy one get one free - type thing.  I am 35 years old and apparently that is old because I grew up knowing that a pineapple is a symbol of hospitality.  After all, we do live in the Hospitality State!  Then I thought perhaps it was one of my new Advocare extremists… again, just being nice "welcome to starting Advocare type thing."

After an hour or so, and all the chaos from the morning died down, I got to wondering who left a pineapple on my front door.  How strange.  Still confused - I posted on Facebook "who left this?"

To my complete and utter SHOCK, I immediately started getting private messages and comments from people I haven't spoken with in years!  Apparently, a pineapple left on your front door in the middle of the night is (in today's time) actually a request or invitation to join the swingers!  And if you are old like me, you might have to Google the definition of swingers.  I.Had.No.Idea.  Completely clueless.  

After MUCH discussion and joking around on Facebook, I had to delete the post because it was getting out of hand.  I learned from random people how to respond to the swingers (if you actually want to join them) and where the swinger groups dominate around the Jackson area.  I'm sad to know that my very small-town bubble of a home is surrounded by these kinds of people.  I have heard every rumor and piece of gossip about where these couples reside and how they "do" what they do.        TMI that I could have lived without knowing!  I also found out that another couple/friends of ours also received a pineapple and they are also at a loss as to who sent it.  Which made the whole day very strange for all of us.  They live on the opposite side of town.  

We never did figure out who left it.  Soooo… IF it was a joke, no one ever came forward and said "Gotcha!" or "hey, just joking!"  If it was a joke, there are certain people that I would not be offended because crude jokes are right up their alley - and I wouldn't be surprised by them at all.  I would have actually laughed til I cried at a few people.  BUT we are still confused over the whole incident.  No one ever "fessed" up to it.  Which leads us to think that it was in fact NOT a joke.   Which is scary.

We are not laughing.  To disappoint whoever sent it:  Matt and I don't swing like that.  On one hand, I thought perhaps I should be flattered that someone would want us like that - but nope… sorry, appalling was the only word that came to mind.  My right hand will be holding a gun pointed at the next person I catch trying this little stunt.  And I will be quoting Genesis 2:24, "…a man will be joined to his wife, and they shall become ONE flesh."  Not more than one.  Just one.             (I am slightly reminded of Pulp Fiction in my mind ;)  

After researching the concept of swingers - it is also known as "wife swapping"… and it got me thinking that I was being awfully conceited to think it was more about me - and that perhaps it was someone who wanted to "swap" for/with Matt!  Apparently, whoever it was does NOT know me well…. and they should know that I am and can be extremely jealous.  Let me repeat it one more time:  we.  do.  NOT.  swing.   

It bothers me to think that someone would think we would be interested in that kind of behavior.  Have I done something to make you think that??? I hope and want to live my life for God.  The song "Let Them See You in Me" comes to mind.  I apologize if I gave someone the wrong impression is some dark and twisted kind of way!  I said a prayer for whoever it was - that you might find the real meaning and definition of the word marriage.

end of rant.  the pineapple found the trashcan.

its never dull around this house.  i can't keep the drama away.  

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Ashley said...

Oh my word! I have never heard of that either. I saw your post about the pineapple, but I just thought it was someone being neighborly.

danielle said...

that is crazy! i have never ever heard of such a thing (have heard of swingers... not of leaving a pineapple on the door!) CRAZY!

Erin Hern said...

HAHA, I totally laughed out loud reading this post. I had NO clue that's how it was going to go. Wow,just wow. Crazy club!

Gerald Gossett said...

Sorry for the pineapple, I'm a local produce vendor in the area. I have an up and coming "Fresh Veg"-(that's the store's name) store opening in the early fall. I dropped all types of fruit off all over the town. Sorry you have prevers freinds on Facebook. I guess giving your community free produce means something different here. It was so everyone could see how fresh the product my vendors sell me. Sorry for the confusion,.There was an invitation to the Grand Opening on every orange, apple ,pineapple, watermelon, ext. But I think you know that as all your neibors got a different fruit. But that was a berry good story.😁