Friday, September 7, 2012

Can't Catch a Break

The girl can't catch a break.  My sister and I joke about who got the "worst genes" in the family.  No doubt Merritt wins it in this family.  She's had some recent developments that have nothing to do with the O or her heart.  My heart keeps breaking for her.  And I'm upset because I blame myself even though a thousand doctors will tell me not to.  

We have NOT had these diagnosed or even looked at by her pediatrician yet.  We go next Tues to see Dr. Russell.  But MY opinion is that they are hemangiomas.  AND I know ALL of your reactions.  They are the same as mine.  You say "Ugh" or "gross" or "poor baby" or just cringe when you see them on someone.  They are not pleasant to look at it.  Then again, neither is her tummy.  

The first ones appeared under her arm while she was in the NICU.  We first thought it was a bug bite... then later I thought I had accidentally scratched her with my wedding ring while picking her up.  Then they got worse and more red.  Now they are slightly raised.  I chalked it up to her birthmark and was ok with it...


Well yesterday she woke up after 7 hours of sleep (yep--you read that right: SEVEN straight hours!) and I find these:




Again, thought they were bug bites, but she sleeps with a cap on.  Weird....they haven't gone away and look exactly like the ones under her arm did in the beginning.  There are 7 tiny little red dots across her forehead that all showed up overnight.  Granted, they could be something else, but my gut instinct and the ones under her arm tell me that we will be visiting a plastic surgeon sooner than we think.  After reading about them, it says the vast majority of them completely disappear by age 5 - 10 years old.  Hoping it is what it is. that is. 

I -- of ALL people-- know what its like to have skin lesions and how it can affect you in every way.  I always wonder which kid will wake up with psoriasis...and I blame myself for passing that gene (even though there is only 10% chance of inheriting it).  I don't think its psoriasis in this case, but I know how difficult skin problems can be.   And this breaks my heart that its on her sweet face.

And here's a 2month pic of her belly:


If you see me, and I start to cry again (just when I thought the crying was over), remind me that one day we will all have perfect bodies and we are all perfect in the eyes of God.  I'm having trouble seeing what purpose this new development serves, but I am hanging on to my faith that feels like a mustard seed right now.  
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4 comments:

Sara said...

She's beautiful! I know you feel like you can't catch a break, but look how far you have come. I think the spots on her head are probably just newborn acne that are just now coming out from hormones she got in the womb. Probably nothing to worry about.

Pamela said...

Carrie, I know and understand your feelings so well sweet friend. I have faith that God has packaged something on the inside that will show to be FAR more beautiful (and they ARE both SO beautiful)than the outside of our precious girls. Outer beauty is fleeting, but inner beauty is hardest to find and is most precious. Whatever those spots turn out to be, they will be secondary compared to what God has wrapped inside. Love you! Will be praying for you and Merritt:) Thanks for sharing and keeping us updated!

Erin said...

You said it right. Our bodies are perfect in the eyes of God! But things are easier said than done.

If you look on my blog roll, read The Duke Family. Her son Bryce has had the same things and he's doing just fine. In 1st grade and ALL boy!

Don't put the cart before the horse. Wait and see what the Dr. says. Maybe she has chicken pox. You and I know about that all too well. Remember, I was the only one that could come to your birthday party b/c I already had the pox, a few weeks before.

msergent said...

Hi Carrie— I've been following along and praying for you and your sweet family. Merritt is beautiful!! I want you to know both of my girls have hemangiomas. Anna's were very large, the biggest I've ever seen in person, right behind her ear. She had tons of hair to cover it, so no one ever saw it too much, but it is almost completely gone now that she is five!! It grew the most the first six months and then pretty much stopped. I was terrified when I looked online and read about them, but really they aren't as bad as you might think. Sarah Kate has two on her back and hers are barely noticeable now. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone, and I know exactly how scary it can be to see something like that happening to your sweet girl.